My Inconvenience is Your Time-Killer at Work

The Internet. Ideally, it is an infinite depository of knowledge, a cheap method of instantaneous communication capable of disregarding any distance between two people on the planet Earth, a business multi-tool that perpetually revolutionizes the way commerce functions on any micro or macro plane. The Internet is also a place where people laugh at cats for five hours and make videos of themselves on the toilet. While I can honestly say that the good Internet, the one described in the first paragraph, has made my life happier than it could have ever been without it, one must take the bitter with the sweet. It has become my task to catalog and comment upon some of the very worst the World Wide Web has to offer. I may be doing this with a jovial, even joking attitude, but make no mistake, updating this blog thrice weekly is going to be an exercise in emotional self-flagellation. At the end of every update, I will assign a series of scores and categories to quantify and qualify the level of Internet Insanity one will experience upon exposure to the subject of the post. Here are the four areas upon which each subject will be judged:
  1. Amount of Life Likely To Be Wasted- Quite simply, this is a measure of the approximate amount of time the average net surfer will probably spend experiencing the subject of the update, whether by guilty pleasure or sick fascination.
  2. Likelihood to Result in Arrest in Real Life- Some things on the Internet are ridiculous but harmless. Others are only acceptable because they're not happening in meatspace. I will not be limiting this category to the laws of the United States of America.
  3. MCDR- This stands for "Mind Cleansing Dedication Ratio". The MCDR will measure how long and with what method to optimally wash the life-altering wrongness from one's mind after experiencing the subject of the update.
  4. Internet Depth by Preposition- This is going to take a little more explaining. See below.
Billions of people use Internet connections, but the overwhelming majority of them have no meaningful presence there. Others attain a certain depth of involvement with the Internet so that it becomes inextricably linked to their lives. I have devised a simple system of describing the nature of that link by using simple prepositions. Those are, in order of increasing depth, On the Internet, In the Internet and Of the Internet. One who is On the Internet has a meaningful presence there but is not really dependent on that presence to give him or her self meaning. For example, Barack Obama is On the Internet. He has several successful websites, he disseminates information to his supporters using net media, he raises money for his campaigns via PayPal. Without the Internet, Barack Obama would still be a successful and highly recognizable figure in real life. Before his famous websites, he was a professor of law. He never needed the Internet, he just uses it for his benefit. In other words, he can quit any time he wants. Then there are those who are In the Internet. Unlike the On people, In people have no notoriety outside of the web. Every brief youtube front page celebrity, every poster who gains a reputation on a particular forum, every business person the majority of whose income is dependent on selling organ enlargement pills- these are the people who live In the Internet. Finally, at the glorious bottom, we find those strange few who have become Of the Internet. Like fish that have evolved to live at the greatest depths of the ocean where there is no light and the pressure alone could crush a luxury sedan, people Of the Internet adapt bizarre features thanks to the intense environment around them. When once-normal people become living memes, when they attain but seem unaware of a massive celebrity that is tragically fruitless, they become people Of the Internet. Earlier in this update, I referenced the ubiquity of Internet cats with bad grammar. I dare not say their many awful names or list their associated websites. I only mention them to provide an example of what it means to be Of the Internet. So, come along with me, suffer with me, use my plight as a filter for your own life on these dangerous electronic waters. And when I label it NSFW (not safe for work), I recoil at the horrible realization that the label is not intended for me. This is my job.

Is Budweiser’s All American Ale Really All That Special?

If you have not already heard about it or tried it, the newest innovation from the mass beer producer, Budweiser, is their touted ‘American Ale.’ The makers claim that it is as rich as a bottle of the finest micro brew currently available – that is a rather lofty claim, don’t you think? Not to knock anybody who is a fan of this beer, or any other Budweiser products, but the world afar already knows that this beer is a cheap beer, not comparable in any way to a fine micro brew, so why try and compare it? Cheap Beer is Still Cheap Beer The taste of American Ale is mostly birch, thick and foamy – much like Bud Light, only thicker. It has a clean after taste and goes down smoothly, but the drink-ability factor is terrible; you will not want to have more than one or two before you switch up your beers for the evening. Case and point: cheap beer is still cheap beer. American Ale, while innovation for a company likes Budweiser, is still just another cheaper knockoff beer that claims to be something it truly can never be: a micro brew of high quality. Micro Brews Make Far Tastier Ale In reality the brewing process for micro brews is far more complex than just bottles streaming down an assembly machine line. The brew masters will throw out entire batches is they deem them unacceptable, and they spend years on developing the perfect master recipes. In the end American Ale may suit some, but if you want a real beer, you will have to pay for it. It’s like comparing a Hyundai to a Porsche, you just can’t.

Obama to name Agriculture Secretary soon

President Elect Barack Obama has not yet named someone to fill the post of Agriculture Secretary yet. Let's take a look at the candidates, and break down what each appointment might mean for farmers: Dennis Wolff, Pennsylvania Agriculture Secretary In 2008, Dennis Wolff moved to protect more than 30,000 acres of Pennsylvania farmland, under its nationally recognized Farmland Preservation Program. The state allocated $33 million to the program, which aims to slow or stop the loss of prime farmland by allowing the government to purchase "conservation easements" from farm owners. Tom Buis, president of National Farmers Union. Tom Buis was a full-time farmer in Indiana before moving to Washington D.C. in 1987. He began working for the National Farmers Union in 1998, and became its president in 2006. In 2007 he presented a statement before a House of Representatives subcommittee on the loss of the family farm. He advocated several methods to help ensure that small farms would be able to compete with colossal factory farms like Tyson Foods. He also blasted the USDA for "mishandling" the NAIS (National Animal Identification System), and promoted expanding the COOL system to other agricultural products. Former Rep. Charles Stenholm, D-Texas. Stenholm, a member of the Blue Dog Democrats, is one of the most conservative Southern Democrats in the House. Stenholm was a key player in the passage of the 2002 Farm Bill, which provided assistance to commodity producers. Since retiring from the House, Stenholm has been involved in advocating on behalf of the horse meat industry. (Controversy!) Rep. John Salazar, D-Colo. Salazar is another conservative choice, having also been associated with the Blue Dog Democrats in the House. Salazar has often focused on conservation issues and water rights. One of his most high-profile victories came when he helped successfully prevent the Army from condemning 500,000 acres of Colorado farmland so that it could expand the Pinon Canyon Maneuver Site. Salazar is also a strong proponent of veterans' rights, and is himself a veteran. In 2005 he introduced the "Stolen Valor" act to Congress, which beefs up the ability of law enforcement to prosecute "individuals who claim to have received military medals they did not earn." (Is this a big problem in Colorado?) Rep. Stephanie Herseth Sandlin, D-S.D. Another Blue Dog Democrat, Herseth Sandlin is also the youngest female member of the House. A supporter of rural rights and a leading advocate for ethanol and other biofuels, Herseth Sandlin presents herself as a "populist." Her tenure in the House has been marked by vocal controversy over her conflicting stances on non-agricultural issues such as abortion (pro-choice), gay marriage (against), Bush's energy plan (in favor), gun control (in favor), and the NSA wiretapping program (in favor). Former Rep. Jill Long Thompson, D-Ind. Long Thompson served as Under Secretary for Rural Economic and Community Development during Clinton's tenure. The RECD funds rural housing and development programs. As Under Secretary, Long Thompson helped to reform the single-family loan program, which supplements home loans for low-income home buyers. Jill Long Thompson's focus has largely been on rural residents, and not on agriculture per se.

Do you Still Floss? A Water Pick is More Effective

Are you still stuck in the yesteryear of personal dental care? You know where you have reel out a length of dental floss every day before you go to sleep and slide it between your teeth so you can clean out debris and food, and oxygenate the area for healthy gums. Well the good news is that yes, flossing is essential to keeping healthy gums and teeth, but at the same time, it is also greatly outdated. Newer technologies have come to the fore that have been clinically proven to be up to 80% more effective than dental floss, and are far easier to use. Water Picking is the Wave of the Future You can wave goodbye to flossing forever when you pick up a newer water pick to clean out your teeth with every day. A water pick is basically a water jet that streams water through a tapered end at high velocities into your mouth. Many allow you to control the power of the stream, so you can find the most comfortable setting. As opposed to using dental floss, water picking jets water into your mouth and thoroughly cleans your teeth, and helps to oxygenate your gums and fight bacteria. Most dentists are recommending that their patients pick up a water pick to make flossing an easier task to accomplish every day, and because it has been clinically proven to be more effective than flossing. Case and point: flossing is outdated, so head into the future of tooth care with a water pick for your teeth.

Joe Biden Commemorative Plate

Thursday, December 11th 7:35am Dear Diary, After google-ing my name, as I like to do from time to time, I discovered that someone has recently come out with a Joe Biden Commemorative Plate. On first glance, this seemed like a great idea. Until I watched the video… It’s an outrage! The Joe Biden Commemorative Plate almost seemed like the creators are making a mockery of me. I’m sure that I have fans out there, but who would buy that plate? It almost seemed like they were belittling the role that I played in getting a Democratic Administration back in the White House. To start, I disliked the way the narrator said, “Jooooe Biiiiiden.” Not to mention, he was a little too happy about my “clean hair and articulate teeth.” (What are “articulate teeth” anyway?!) And when he finally brought up how I was in the shadow of history, he was basically saying that I’m just a little paint and the real deal is Barack Obama. Seems like they’re really belittling my role, especially when the seemed almost make fun of my achievements, and my commute to and from Delaware. Well, to whoever created that plate – I hope nobody buys it. Maybe it’s a joke, maybe it’s not. But regardless, that kind of mocking doesn’t deserve a profit. Oops, gotta put the pen down… I think Jill wants to discuss the plate. Well, according to Jill, the plate really was a joke. She said not to take it too harshly, but I’m upset! Who would create such am abhorrent thing, dismissing my contributions to the campaing, and society as a whole! And it’s the holiday season! People are looking for gifts to buy, and go figure – they’re probably just happening on this item as I did. Well, don’t buy that plate. There’s no reason to reward cruelty. Until next time, Joe the Veep

Scared of the Dentist? Try Sedation Dentistry

If you are like millions of people out there who have forever and a day dreaded each and every single time that they have to go into the dentist to get a treatment, there is good news on the horizon for you. Recent advancements in dental technologies have afforded some newer options for those who inherently fear having to go to the dentist. And who really wants to suffer through the pain of having a tooth pulled, or getting root canal, when there are ways that they can, so to speak, not even be there at all? Now that you are curious about this, here is the low-down. You can Get Dental Treatments While you are Asleep No joke! The newest fad to take over general dentistry is called sedation dentistry. Many dental offices are now offering this method of treatment for their many patients who are entirely intimidated by the dentists and the procedures. Basically, you are prescribed two pills to take, in most cases, one that you pop before you leave home for the dental office, and the other which is administered when you arrive. Within a few minutes of taking the second pill, you are asleep soundly. The Treatment Occurs While you Snooze Now that the dentist has you knocked out, they can perform whatever treatments are necessary for your teeth, without you feeling one single shot, or any pain whatsoever. When you wake up, you are all done, and you can head home. No more fear. No more pain. No more nothing, but a sound nap and waking up to a completed dental procedure. Now that is something to raise your glass to.

Bethesda Software Makes Big Strides with Release of 'Fallout 3'

Have you seen the newest release from the juggernaut software company, Bethesda? The company has recently been garnering much praise from the video gaming community as a whole for their fantastically successful debut of ‘Elder Scrolls: Oblivion’ which was one of the best selling video games of all time, and has been lauded by many as one of the best role playing or RPG games of all time. And now, Bethesda Software is hard at work again, this time bringing to the eager video gaming world their next latest and greatest RPG innovation: Fallout 3. Why Change the Old – Just Make it Better! With Fallout 3 does come some new innovations in the RPG subset that can be classically attributed to Elder Scrolls; the interface, interactions, maps, item menus and many other features are very similar to those found in the hit game Elder Scrolls, but have been revamped and greatly improved upon to make the game easier to use. Most classically, all characters have massive amounts of vocal dialogue, which is hard to find in any other role playing game, and the graphics engine has been improved upon adding more shading properties and far faster load times, which are seemingly unobtrusive when playing this game. The Basic Premise You are a survivor of a vast, world wide nuclear winter, set in the year 2177. You survived by living in an underground society that was created to preserve mankind in such events. Now a few hundred years later, you must exit this society and strive to find your father in a massive free world that comprises post-nuclear war, Washington D.C.

Obama Selects Energy Secretary

Dr. Steven Chu, winner of the 1997 Nobel Prize in Physics, has been nominated by President-Elect Barack Obama to serve as the incoming administration's Secretary of Energy. He currently holds a post at the University of California at Berkeley. As seems to be the typical reaction to every one of Barack Obama's cabinet picks who aren't already familiar faces in Washington, both politicians and pundits are asking if Dr. Chu has the experience necessary to rise to the occasion of a major governmental post. Were Steven Chu not a highly accomplished professional in the same field as his proposed spot in the incoming cabinet, this would be a valid question. It seems that, though the election ended a month and a half ago, some people are still pursuing the smear campaign. Dr. Steven Chu is not Harriet Miers. He is qualified for  the job of Energy Secretary due to his experience in the field that has most recently become relevant to US energy concerns. Our country needs an energy policy based on new innovations, many of which are being developed in the area of experimental physics. We aren't facing a future dependent on how to build a better oil drill, but rather one based on the potential of improved wind, solar and hydroelectric power. Even the prospect of fusion energy is no longer science fiction, but an eventuality. Whomever sits in the White House advising our president on energy policies ought to know a thing or two on the subject. Dr. Chu has the knowledge and hands-on experience. He was awarded the Nobel Prize while he was on staff at Stanford University, sharing the honor with fellow US academic William Daniel Phillips of the University of Maryland and French physicist Claude Cohen-Tannoudji of L'École Normale Supérieure in Paris. Together they developed a process known as laser cooling, a system that makes it possible to slow atoms in a gaseous state for closer study. But Steven Chu has never held political office. Blunt as it may sound, when it concerns a position like Secretary of Energy, doesn't it beg the question, "So what?" Sure, I could see some concern arising over an inexperienced Secretary of State or Vice President, but where specialized cabinet departments are concerned, we want experts, not familiarity. I can't recall a president going under so much scrutiny for every decision. When Obama chose Rahm Emanuel and other Clinton-era staffers to join him in the White House, it took all of five seconds to register the first pot-shot against Obama's platform of change. Of course, when he selects apolitical outsiders like Steven Chu, the argument turns toward experience. As always, the burden of proof is going to be on Obama and his staff when they're actually in office. For a strong counter-argument to the whole Change vs. Experience debate, just look at our current president's cabinet. Condoleezza Rice's resume was fairly impressive upon her selection, as was Dick Cheney's. In their respective cases, experience didn't equal diplomatic outreach or operational transparency. On the other end, Bush selected Margaret Spellings to be his Secretary of Education despite her having approximately zero teaching and administrative experience. That resulted in the useless "No Child Left Behind" program. Any speculation concerning the abilities of Dr. Steven Chu as Secretary of Energy beyond his base of expertise is fairly empty. He has a solid background and he hasn't yet been mired in Washington politics. As with everyone on the new White House team, it will certainly be interesting to see how he handles himself next month and beyond.

It’s So Easy to Blame Grand Theft Auto IV for all the Problems in the World Today

Attention avid gamers: are you sick and tired of hearing all of this slandering of violent video games like GTA IV (Grand Theft Auto Four), where parents and society as a whole are apt to always point the proverbial finger at these video games as the root of all problems present in modern day society? It is ridiculous if you think about it, seriously! Video games are played using a plastic controller, attached to a console, connected to a television set – they do not represent anything realistic in any way, shape or form. In fact, most people are not becoming tantalized with the fake, cartoon-like violence that they see in a video game, nor are they becoming desensitized by playing games like GTA IV. It’s so easy to Point the Finger Yet it seems that every time a kid commits a violent crime, video games like GTA IV are blamed as the culprit. When in reality there are other, far more violent things that our children are being subjected to. Like violent movies, the news, television programs and others. So when people blame video games like GTA, its rubbish! They are purely overlooking the vast array of facts: like real people kill real people on TV, or the news reports violence and death on the hour. Get it Together People Nobody plays a video game and then goes out and shoots their friends at school. It does not happen. Rather, these people are raised improperly, their parents allow them access to numerous violent mediums, and they don’t lock their guns up at night. Then it’s really easy to blame a video game for your own, or society’s failure when something tragic occurs.

Xbox 360 Red-Ring-Of-Death Mish Mash Revealed

If you have not been hearing about all of this news with regards to the common dilemmas that many consumers are experiencing after purchasing the lofty and expensive Xbox 350 video gaming consoles, here is the scoop. Many people are finding that their Xbox 360 console is overheating far too quickly; the fans and the heat synch devices inside of it are not able to properly cool the system. The ending results are that thousands of consoles overheat and become inoperable, and when this happens the power button displays three red rings, most commonly known to the community as the Red Rings of Death (RROD).

 

Why so Many People are Suing Microsoft

This problem has been so frequent, in fact, that many consumers have banded together and have filed a recent class action lawsuit against Microsoft, demanding that they get their money back, and or a new Xbox 360 console.

 

The Root of the Problem 

Basically, the bottom of the main motherboard in the Xbox 360 has two X-shaped metal clamps on the underside that are attached to the heat synch unit above. When the motherboard overheats, the silicon in it expands which can loosen the soldering of the graphical unit interface (GUI) and cause the red rings of death to appear, and render the Xbox 360 console useless. That is unless, of course, the consumer thought to purchase a warranty in advance, or if they wish to wait for a few months and ship their console back into Microsoft for a repair that will only delay the problem further, assuming that their console is still under warranty.

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