Games That Should Not Be: Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe

Submitted by msarko on 12/22/08 10:34pm
Boy, the 1990's were some good years. Peace time between the Cold War and the War on Terror. Unparalleled economic prosperity. The mainstream introduction of the Internet. What else am I forgetting? Ah, yes. The last time I played a good Mortal Kombat game. For some ridiculous non-reason, Midway Games has kept churning out iterations of the original bloody fighting series long after it was relevant or even fun to play. The first was revolutionary, the second was a nice update, the third was passable but rather unimaginative. By the time MK4 hit the shelves, I was fairly certain the series didn't have the legs to make it through the next decade. Being 12 and therefore naive enough to believe there is any dignity in the videogame industry, I was sorely mistaken. So, as we slowly approach the 20th anniversary of the iconic slugfest, we have to entertain the notion of something as patently absurd as Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe. It's as if an executive over at Midway tripped over a long-discarded copy of Marvel vs. Capcom and while in the air said, "Yeah, I can do that," then knocked his head against a table when he landed. At least that explanation for why this atrocious game exists is more rational than the thought of several intelligent people making an informed decision to greenlight such a stupid idea. The game is based on some convoluted storyline involving the fusion of two of the respective elements' villains. The best reason the writers could come up with to explain why the characters start fighting in an organized, one-on-one fashion is some vague, other-worldly "rage" taking over. Kinda makes me remaniscent of the days when it was alright to accept the idea of a plumber feeling compelled to save the monarch of an alternate dimension for no discernable reason. Awful premise aside, the gameplay suffers under the weight of 15 year's worth of predictability and controls so sluggish they wouldn't have been passable on a Super Nintendo.  They tried to beef things up with Close Combat and Freefall, but these are really just QTE's in the middle of a fighting game. It doesn't matter how many bells and whistles you install if you're not going to fix the age-old "kick them in the shin for an entire round" problem that somehow still plagues fighting games. As always, Sub-Zero freezes people, Liu Kang bicycle kicks and familiar Fatalities fail to shock or impress. I'd like to say that, maybe this time, they'll put Mortal Kombat to rest so we can forget about all the crap that's become associated with the series and recall how awesome it was to rip out hearts in the Clinton era. I can't say it, though, because there are already rumors of another MK game slated to come out in 2012, tentatively titled "Mortal Kombat: Deadly Fate". Don't worry, if it's not that generic title, it'll be another. For now, all we can do is hang our heads, sigh and once again regret renting a game in a series that has sucked for so long it's impossible to actually be disappointing. I feel so, so sorry for all the kids who are going to get MK vs. DCU for Christmas. Gameplay: Twitchy drunks mud wrestling. Graphics: Negligible, like the authority of a school librarian. Sound: 10% new since 1995. Recommendation: Drink some green tea and imagine how good the world would be if this game didn't exist.

What's That About A Day-Job?

Submitted by msarko on 12/22/08 10:27pm
Looking back, 2008 was pretty bloated with pop albums by movie actors. Three in particular got a lot of attention. Let's see how they fare under scrutiny. Terrence Howard- Shine Through It As Shine Through It opens, do not be alarmed by the cheery whistling and clean, slow harmonica- a cheesy 80's sitcom is not about to start. No, that's just the first track, "I Remember When". Things don't get better from there. While the following track, "It's All Game" gives us a much-needed reprieve from Howard's unintentionally scratchy, unremarkable voice, the song replaces it with a confused mash-up of shopping mall jazz and over-insistent saxophones. The less said about "Love Makes You Beautiful" and its unrelenting sap, the better. Basically, the whole album goes like this. One painful acoustic track followed by an inept attempt at some other genre, be it salsa, funk or whatever it was The Stray Cats played. I can respect Terrence Howard's attempt to distance himself from hip-hop after Hustle and Flow, but this album isn't the way to do it. It's obvious he's trying to be seen as both sensitive and classy, but the whole project is so artificial and irrelevant that it just comes off as a misguided vanity project. Scarlett Johansson- Anywhere I Lay My Head Right off the bat, Johansson has it easy because she's just covering a series of tracks from one of America's greatest songwriters. The real challenge is somehow making her renditions of Tom Waits's work interesting enough to stand on their own merits. The only metric with which to judge Anywhere is the difference in vocals. Waits is known for a few unique vocal styles. He has his growl, his slightly nasal croon and his weary drunk moan. Frankly, I don't want to hear Scarlett Johansson sing with any of those voices. Strangely, the first track, "Fawn", is purely instrumental, so that's one strike against it already. There's no point in listening to a movie star cover an instrumental track. When she actually starts singing on "Town With No Cheer" it's actually pretty ok. Johansson sounds ghostly and much older than she is. This doesn't always work. "Falling Down" is pretty annoying in general. By the halfway point of the album, the aesthetic becomes pretty clear. This isn't so much Tom Waits by way of Scarlett Johansson, it's Tom Waits by way of shoegaze. In theory and in practice, that's not such a bad idea. It's too bad the whole "album by a movie star" thing distracts from that. At its best, Anywhere I Lay My Head sounds like mid-period Cocteau Twins, only a bit clearer and more melancholy. I will say that "I Don't Wanna Grow Up" is pretty confounding in this model. Where the original was grungy and rough, Johansson's rendition employs drum machines. I can't decide if I like it or not, but this album is definitely far beyond the novelty it ought to be. She & Him- Volume One Zooey Deschanel teamed up with actual-factual musician M. Ward for She & Him, releasing Volume One early in the year. What results is a semi-acoustic indie album that deserves a better singer than Deschanel is. She does alright on "Change is Hard" and there's an endearing old-timey feel to "You Really Got a Hold On Me", but that all points to the question of relevance. Volume One sounds like it wanted to be recorded in 1962 and never had any ambitions beyond that. Had the duo attempted to do something new or unexpected with their shameless Patsy Cline grave-robbing the whole project might have some passable moments. Aside from that, the only reason I can think of to listen to this album is that it's better than Shine Through It by several orders of magnitude. Then again, so is just about everything else recorded this year.

New Doggie Snacks Offer Puppy Ice Cream

Submitted by Michael Jon Lazar on 12/22/08 10:14pm
If you see your dog panting heavily this upcoming summer, a puppy ice cream treat may do just the trick to cool them off and reward them for being a great dog. If you have never heard of these newer dog ice cream treats before, let me bring you up to speed really quickly. I found out about dog ice cream treats a few months ago when I was shopping for dog food at the local grocery store. Upon entering the pet isles, I noticed a small freezer section that they had added. Contained within were puppy ice cream treats in a variety of different flavors. They are called Frosty Paws – you can visit them online at: http://www.frostypawstreats.com – a newer treat for your dog that is made from entirely safe to eat doggy ice cream. More Stores are Adding a Freezer in the Pet Sections As soon as I realized this new trend of dog ice cream, I began to notice that most grocery stores in my area were beginning to add a freezer section to their pet isles to offer these tasty, frozen dog treats. Now just about any store that I go to carries puppy ice cream treats. They come in little, circular lumps, much like an ice cream bar for humans. You pull a tab off the top and drop them in their dish. They are frozen and take a while for your dog to eat, which makes the enjoyment last even longer. And the smirk on your dogs face when they realize that they are getting a cold and sugary ice cream treat is literally priceless! Dogs Love Them! If you can find me a dog that does not like cold ice cream puppy snacks, I will be surely surprised. I even bought a case of them for my brother’s dogs. When I was over there on Thanksgiving, I dished them out. They literally freaked out for the peanut butter flavored puppy ice cream treats, and who can blame them. Seriously though, whoever thought of this cool trend deserves a gold star for efforts. And if our dogs could speak, they would most certainly be thanking us! Is Ice Cream Safe for Dogs? The reality is that these treats are entirely safe for your dogs to eat because they are not real human ice cream. They are made from pet safe ingredients by a large company and will not harm your pet in any way. If you have a diabetic dog, make sure that you consult with your vet before giving these out to Fido – just to make sure that its okay for him to eat them. But, most dogs will be able to safely enjoy these frozen dog treats without any problems or side effects. What Will They Think of Next? It does kind of make you wonder what they will think of next. I have already see that ball toy that you spray flavored dog treats into and throw the ball; when they bite on it the flavoring pours out into their mouth. Maybe puppy pizza will be the next dog treat trend. But for right now, my boys are entirely content with their doggy ice cream treats!

How to Start Your Own Pet Sitting Service

Submitted by Michael Jon Lazar on 12/22/08 10:01pm
There are many lucrative sides of the pet services industry, and additionally there are ample amounts of people who are quickly realizing that by starting their own pet sitting service they can easily garner a decent annual income. But sadly, many people who may want to break into this profitable and rewarding realm of pet services have not the faintest clue as to where to begin. I owned a successful pet sitting service for a number of years before I passed the antlers on to my sister and moved on to a different business. The best part about my pet sitting service was that it was easy to start, and easy to maintain, and that I enjoyed what I was doing. If you have ever thought about starting your own pet sitting service, here is what you need to know to get off the ground and running. Get the Materials That You’ll Need You will need invoices and business cards, as well as flyers so you can advertise your business. The local office supplies store will yield to you the invoices that you need, or you can make custom invoices by using spreadsheet software. You can also order business cards online for free at Vistaprint.com – or you can usually get a great deal on business cards at a number of other online venues. These are the basics. Design flyers and business cards and invoices. Start a file folder to keep track of new clients and most importantly, stay organized. The more organized you are, the easier it will be to run your pet sitting service. Advertise Inexpensively There are many avenues that you take to advertise for nearly no money spent. Put up black and white flyers at all of the local dog parks. Hand out your business cards to everybody that you meet. Tell your friends and your family, and offer a tollfree number for prospective clients to reach you free of charge. Finally, take out free ads on websites like Craigslist.com – where you can post ads for free and reach a decent audience. Slowly but surely the clients will trickle in. With each new client that you add to your roster, your monthly net revenue will increase. Build a Website You can use programs like Yahoo Sitebuilder to create a professional looking websites in a few hours, and for free. This program allows you to point and click and drag and drop, it’s like using a word processor. Then you can buy hosting from Yahoo for about ten bucks per month. This will give you a domain name, email address and web hosting for your website. The faster you have an internet presence, the more professional prospective clients will see your pet sitting service as. Finally, research other pet sitting services online and see what they are charging for their rates, and match or beat their rates to drive more business your direction. Acquire Insurance You will need a business license in order to get the right insurance, which is essential in protecting you from liability. Log on to the local government website for your city and follow their directions to get a business license. Then research different liability companies to find one that offers the coverages you seek and at the monthly price that you can afford. Never operate a pet sitting service without the proper insurance or you are just asking for necessary troubles to come your way.

Sightseeing

Submitted by jemanji on 12/22/08 9:42pm
It’s a popular fact that 90% of the brain is not used and, like most popular facts, it is wrong. [No] Creator would go to the trouble of making the human head carry around several pounds of unnecessary grey goo if its only real purpose was, eg, to serve as a delicacy for certain remote tribesmen in unexplored valleys; it is used. One of its functions is to make the miraculous seem ordinary, and turn the unusual into the usual. Otherwise, human beings, forced with the daily wondrousness of everything, would go around wearing a stupid grin, saying “WOW” a lot. Part of the brain exists to stop this happening. It is very efficient, and can make people experience boredom in the middle of marvels. Terry Pratchett =====
Since 1989, the city of Seattle has assumed that other cities have baseball heroes like they have. Not so! ====== 1. Ken Griffey Jr., for ten years, was the single greatest figure in the game — the jersey most often purchased, the player most beloved by little boys whether in Cincinnati or Pittsburgh. Griffey was The Natural, this generation’s Willie Mays, yet even more so. Karma derailed his career early, but for ten years, he was one of the game’s great legends. ===== 2. Randy Johnson was this generation’s Sandy Koufax — but for three times as long. The Big Unit, along with Lefty Grove, is one of the two greatest lefthand starters who ever lived. Notice that Griffey and Johnson were not great players merely: they were saturated in charisma. There has never — ever — been a more interesting or exciting pitcher to watch than Randy Johnson. ====== 3. Alex Rodriguez was this generation’s Honus Wagner — a player so massively more talented than those around him that we was deemed worth one-quarter of a billion dollars. Griffey, and ARod, and the Unit, were not simply local heroes. They were #1 overall roto draft picks. And, weirdly, they carried even more personality than they did performance. ===== 4. Ichiro Suzuki is, in my opinion, one of the 50 greatest position players of all time. But you don’t need an opinion to write that Ichiro is a #1 vote-getter in the All-Star Game … an MVP … the Jackie Robinson of Japanese baseball … the Elvis Presley of Japanese culture … the one player perfectly matched to diverse Seattle … and the coolest baseball player since Babe Ruth. Ichiro is what Deion Sanders always dreamed about being. …Whatever you consider Ichiro to be, for certain you consider him to be an international superstar. And a joy to watch play. ====== HM. Edgar Martinez is not on a par with the above four players as a figure, as a legend of baseball. …the above four players will be talked about for 100 years or more; Edgar will not. But Edgar is a Hall Of Famer who …. signed with Seattle, and retired with Seattle 20 years later. …and who, in between, was the city’s classiest and most beloved celebrity ever, along with Steve Largent. Jay Buhner -- now, there would be an example of a great local hero. But Junior, ARod, Ichiro, and the Big Unit are not examples of great local heroes. They are examples of great all-time baseball legends. ===== Since 1989, Seattle (weirdly) has never been without a player it could cherish as the game’s most exciting player. Ichiro's mystique has faded perhaps a bit. So time for: 5. Felix Hernandez — who was, in his time, the best pitching prospect who ever lived. Felix was not Doc Gooden. Felix was a figure out of a George Plimpton novel, come to life just as Arnold Schwarzenegger stepped out of a theater screen into the real world in Last Action Hero. Don't know about you, but I'm ready for Felix to Take His Place in 2009. Let's hope. ===== Seattle hasn’t had any parades, but it has certainly seen some wonderful baseball sights. Happy Holidays, jemanji

A Schlarb Family Christmas

Submitted by cobwebsandstrange on 12/22/08 9:35pm

Chris Schlarb and his various projects – including I Heart Lung – aren’t generally thought of for their traditional song craft. But as a Christmas present to listeners and fans, Schlarb and his family have put together a present.

On his website, there’s a zip file of holiday songs that include four tracks. His family sings on a three of them – Christmas standards of course. It’s a heartfelt and personal way by which Schlarb thanks listeners. Tracks one, two and four are nothing short of endearing.

Track three though, with Schlarb all alone on acoustic guitar for his rendition of “Silent Night” sets the guitarist in musical venue listeners aren’t familiar with. This song finds Schlarb working with a very traditional melody.

Of course, no one should have thought that this was outside his realm of mastery. There performances here are just so starkly different from either the ambient tracks on his solo disc, Twilight and Ghost Stories, or the interpretation of free jazz/improv on his I Heart Lung discs that the beauty on “Silent Night” is almost disconcerting.

Not to say that his other work doesn’t have inherently beautiful aspects to them, but aesthetically, those albums have a different sonic bent. The slight guitar picking on “Silent Night” is pregnant with future applications to his work. Can I Heart Lung incorporate simple melodies amongst it’s shards of noise?

Schlarb’s solo album is a bit closer to this, with fragments of melodic ideas being represented throughout. But his present to listeners here really is nothing short of revelatory. It should have been assumed that his playing could be this malleable and sensitive – and it is. So Happy Holidays.

Convenience Store Surprises

Submitted by msarko on 12/22/08 9:34pm
Most food blogs concentrate on the fancy stuff. They track new trends, review posh restaurants and give meticulous instructions on how to prepare impressive dishes. Don't get me wrong, I love that stuff and I love writing about that stuff, but there's more to the world of food than the alpha recipes. Sometimes, when your wallet's light and your stomach's empty, you're willing to make some compromises with your taste buds. No place on planet Earth knows that circumstance quite like the classic American convenience store. Whether it's a corporate chain or a local family-run operation, these cramped quick-stop shops are home to some unique products you're less likely to find in bigger grocery outfits. Every once in a while, you run into an item that surprises you with its quality, especially considering its price. The following are three such surprises on to which I've stumbled in my local convenience store. Reser's Deluxe Combo Pizza Reser's is one of the king corporations for convenience store food. To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of most of their products. A lot of them taste the same; excessively salty, low-grade beef. I don't care if it's chicken-fried steak, swedish meatballs or a microwave burrito, it's probably going to have what I call "that Reser's flavor". For the price, you can't really expect more. Their largest items run under $9.00 and provide several pounds of food. This is why the Reser's pizzas are so impressive. For approximately $6.00 (depending on local tax), you get two pies the size of your average Tombstone or DiGiorno. As far as frozen pizza goes, Reser's isn't half bad. In fact, they're as good as Tombstone, but still several steps behind DiGiorno or California Pizza Kitchen. Reser's Deluxe Combo has a pretty generous smattering of toppings, including pepperoni, sausage and peppers. The sauce doesn't taste like ketchup, which is a plus for convenience store pizza, and the cheese is more than passable. Best of all, I've found Reser's pizzas to be light on the grease. All in all, a pretty spectacular buy. Colombina Fancy Assorted Cookies Convenience store snack sections are strange places. Big names like Planter's share space with the most off of the off-brands. It's just assumed that if you've never heard of it, it's probably going to be bad. While I can't say that the Colombina cookies were the best I've ever eaten, at $3.00 I'm just astounded they didn't taste like cardboard. For the most part there's not a lot of variety in flavor, but that flavor isn't bad. Most of the cookies have a simple buttery taste with a hint of vanilla and coconut. There are two chocolate cookies, one filled, one plain. They do have a simple cocoa tone to them reminiscent of chocolate milk powder. The box also has an individually-wrapped package of crumbly wafers. While I wouldn't put out a plate of Colombina Assorted's for dinner guests, they're certainly good enough for a cheap mid-week dessert. Pearson's Salted Nut Roll By far the star of this update, Pearson's Salted Nut Roll is a pretty amazing low-budget candy bar. Aside from the uninspired name, the SNR is so good it deserves equal billing with major corporate candies. In short, the SNR is a Snickers without the chocolate and about three times the peanuts. The nuts themselves have as good a flavor as any of the canned, roasted varieties you'll find one rack over and the caramel is plentiful enough to keep everything from falling apart but not enough to make the experience overly chewy. The whole thing is bundled around a bright-white nougat core. At first the artificial whiteness of the nougat is disconcerting, but then it just becomes part of the aesthetic experience. The SNR is big, filling and doesn't taste cheap at all. If you happen to find one in your local quickie-mart or gas station, definitely give it a try.

Sarah Palin Gets Torched

Submitted by beatriz on 12/22/08 9:18pm
Well she didn't really get torched, but her church did. Do you think maybe the Russians did it?

Four Key Age-Fighting Ingredients Revealed That Will Make Your Skin Shine!

Submitted by Michael Jon Lazar on 12/22/08 9:16pm

If you are sick and tired of dark eye circles, crow’s feet, wrinkled skin, fine lines, smile lines, and other signs of aging that plague many of us: there are some effective ingredients that you can use that will assure that you can truly begin to reverse the affects of aging. To better help you along the way, here are four key age-fighting ingredients that will make your skin shine! Insist upon them in any wrinkle cream or eye cream that you purchase to maximize the results that you will see!

Palmitoyl Oligopeptide, as well as Palmitoyl Tetrapeptide-7

These two age-fighting ingredients are very popular amongst the best wrinkle creams and eye creams and for many good reasons too. They promote the growth of the connective tissues and help to normalize drainage, which also helps to resuscitate the capillaries and boost the production of collagen in the affected areas. With these two powerful ingredients, dark eye circles, crow’s feet, fine lines and wrinkles can be minimized and can literally vanish in a just a few short weeks of daily application. Another added perk is that both of these ingredients have been clinically proven to be effective in minimizing the appearances of fine lines and wrinkles and in reversing the affects of aging, but without causing any known side effects.

Hyaluronic Acid

This is a very popular ingredient and is almost nearly always found in the very best wrinkle creams and eye creams. Hyaluronic acid is touted as nature’s most potent moisturizer because it is capable of carrying up to a thousand times its own weight in water. And it penetrates deeply into the skin pores to deliver key age-fighting ingredients to the affected areas. Finally, it has no known adverse side effects, and has been clinically proven to be one of the best moisturizers currently available. If you are a looking for wrinkle creams and eye creams that have a great moisturizer in them, always insist upon them containing this valuable proprietary ingredient. 

Collagen

The body’s most powerful skin rejuvenator, collagen is responsible for increasing the elasticity of our skin and keeping that glowing, youthful candor that we all so desire. Now some experts will claim that collagen in skin creams is ineffective because it does not penetrate the skin far enough to make any sort of an impact. But contrary to their beliefs, the clinical studies do not lie. During the clinical trials, eye creams and wrinkle creams that had collagen in them were proven to increase the elasticity and firmness of the skin and help to repair damaged skin cells.

Squalane

Is a natural extract from olive oil and as such, it tends to be a costly, yet very effective, proprietary ingredient in the best eye creams and wrinkle creams. This ingredient helps to reduce the appearances of fine lines and wrinkles. It also helps to repair the skin, and minimize scaly patches and skin dryness. Thankfully, most decent creams already use this great ingredient. But make sure that you read the ingredients list to assure that this is on the list of the wrinkle or eye creams that you wish to purchase.

The Black Lips and Numbers

Submitted by cobwebsandstrange on 12/22/08 9:03pm

Having been around for almost a decade, the Lips have had ample opportunity to record and tour their twisted brand of ‘60s pop cum sloppy ‘90s garage rave ups. Beginning their full length recording career with Bomp! Records in 2000, the band has met with their fair share of adversity, but they’ve managed to push through it to become one of the most admired and desired underground rock acts currently touring.

They’ve released three albums in as many years amidst frantic touring – I think that I’ve seen them play three shows – and I’m sure that I’ve missed a couple. But with that comes the inherent criticisms. And I have to say that out of all of their recordings, the 2005 Let it Bloom, on In the Red, is easily the record that best represents their sound.

The follow up, Good Bad Not Evil, easily had moments that touched Let It Bloom territory, but wasn’t as consistent. There were lulls in the mayhem that previous records didn’t posses, but still a strong record that deserves the praise heaped upon it.

And now, fan-boys the world over can sample a new track from their forth coming album 200 Million Thousand. The track “Starting Over” is posted over Gorilla vs. Bear.

Upon first listen, the band and their voices are unctuously shambolic as per usual. The music is still firmly tied to a ‘60s tradition, but instead of it being fuzzy and disturbing, it’s purposefully melodic and sugary – a Black Lips ballad if one ever existed.

That’s not a bad thing of course – it’s just different.

This new track signals that the boys have in fact decided to expand the scope of the music. But the last time I watched them perform – at an in-store – the ferocious and snide tunes that flew from the band who was set up acoustically, seemed more vivacious then this new track. So the true test of this new material – and in fact the new album – is going to come down to live interpretations. And live, the Black Lips never disappoint.

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