Post-debate Perspective

Submitted by beatriz on 10/15/08 11:33am
Wednesday, October 15 11:58pm Dear Diary, Just arrived home from debate, and I have very mixed feelings. First of all, who does John McCain think he is?! He didn’t remember my name??? I am Michelle Obama! And don’t you forget it, John. Furthermore, how dare he put the health of a woman in air quotes?! Lord knows he would never mock a man’s health. That probably cost him a large number of votes from women, unless they are pro-life. Never did understand women who’d allow the government to control pregnant women… Am hoping that others picked up on these insults and will vote accordingly. Also, shocking when McCain talked about Sarah Palin’s autistic child. Either he doesn’t care to know enough about the kids of his running mate (which speaks to his vetting process), or he doesn’t have a clue about the difference between autism and down syndrome! Or perhaps this is confirmation that the senility is really setting in. Regardless, my husband had a great debate. And according to the polls, he won! Nevertheless, per the request of Barack and Jon Stewart, and because this is an important document to have on file, I will make a list of Barack’s faults tomorrow. Going to sleep on it though, as the debate has made this a very late night. Yours always, Michelle

The Real Book in Bb

Submitted by mous on 10/15/08 11:18am
Hello all.... I've recently started learning to play the trumpet, and I've been looking for the Real Book in Bb without any luck. Any suggestions on where I should look? I live in Toronto....

Breyer horses

Submitted by Anonymous on 10/15/08 11:06am
I am cleaning out my storage space and have several Breyer horses that I collected as a child. Is there any place that I could sell them other than just getting rid of them. Some I have had for almost 40 years, so I tink it's time I got rid of my toys.

Dalmations in kansas

Submitted by Anonymous on 10/15/08 9:58am
I am living in overland park and soon to be lees summit, mo and i would really like to find somone that has dalmation puppies. My g/f really wants one and i would love to surprise her in a few weeks with one. Just let me know if you can help me. thanks. justin

New quotas for 'maverick' word use, really wish John and Rick would stop micromanaging.

Submitted by beatriz on 10/15/08 8:49am
Wednesday, October 15th 4:23PM Dear Diary, Have just received new quotas for use in future speeches.  Effective immediately: "Maverick"- 5 per speech "Terrorist"- 7 per speech "Bill Ayers"- 2 per speech "Washington outsider"- 3 per speech "Wasilla Main Street"- 2 per speech "Joe Six Pack"- 1 per speech "Hockey mom"- 2 per speech "Who is the real Barack Obama?"- 3 per speech Under no circumstances am allowed to discuss foreign policy (specifically Putin and Russia), Bridge to Nowhere, state trooper incident, Yahoo e-mail accounts, or educational background. When John dropped off list of speech dos and don’ts, was also instructed to watch tonight’s debate closely and “just copy whatever I say and do. And, dear God, shut up about Levi already.” Wonder if that means must learn how to hold arms like robot. Also, comment about Levi completely uncalled for. Apparently family values underrated these days. Anyway, really don’t see why I have to pay attention to these things at all as have already been told that must always stay on script. Sometimes feel misunderappreciated. Love yah! Sarah

Top 10 Possible Replacements for “Joe the Plumber”

Submitted by beatriz on 10/15/08 8:14am

Wednesday, October 15th

11:30PM

Dear Diary,

Barack wins again! Message of hope and change prevails! Worried about rocky start of debate—note to self: must narrow economic plan down to five principles, one less than John—but game plan of staying calm until angry old man started screaming turned out well. However, looked at responses to debate and fear that Joe the Plumber, like Joe Six Pack, has outstayed welcome. Have come up with possible replacements for Joes.

Top 10 Possible Replacements for “Joe the Plumber”

1. Ed the Electrician (Pros: Will appeal to wide base of electrical engineers as well as do-it-yourself types. Cons: Do-it-yourself types likely to be electrocuted before Nov. 4.)

2. Gary the Gardener (Pros: Everyone likes plants. Cons: Environmentalists may feel gardens infringe upon wildlife sanctuaries.)

3. Bob the Builder (Pros: Well-liked by parents, teachers, childcare professionals. Cons: Actually a cartoon character.)

4. Wendy the Waitress (Pros: Waitresses bring food, are correspondingly very popular. Cons: Waitress voting bloc likely predominantly single women statistically likely to not vote.)

5. Mack the Mechanic (Pros: Everyone goes to mechanics. Cons: Everyone hates going to mechanics.)

6. Rebecca the Receptionist (Pros: Receptionists everywhere finally recognized. Cons: Receptionists still likely to be ignored.)

7. Mike the Mover (Pros: Manly profession appeals to males, overdeveloped muscles appeal to females. Cons: Mike the Mover real person, possibility of being sued.)

8. Holly the Hairdresser (Pros: Hairdressers usually attractive, attractiveness important. Cons: Large sections of U.S. population balding, may be offended.)

9. George the Garbage Man (Pros: Voters unlikely to come in contact with, references cannot be verified, can use in any situation. Cons: Smell possibly off-putting.)

10. Jesus the Carpenter (Pros: Appeal to religious right, can survive crucifixion. Cons: His Second Coming means Palin was right.)

Will run list by Michelle and David.

Hopefully yours,

Barack

PS. Still winning in polls!

Yawn! Madge and Guy Calling it Quits

Submitted by mous on 10/15/08 7:27am
Ah, celebrity couples...so glamorous...so famous...so doomed! Seriously, is anyone really surprised that the mega-couple Madonna and Guy Ritchie would be calling it quits? Madge hasn't always been known for her LTRs. And we all know that to a celebrity couple, a high-profile relationship is just another notch on their publicity bed-post. So here's our forecast of other starry-eyed couples headed for Splitsville: Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller- Charlie is giving marriage another try, and his wife is expecting a baby boy. We predict this couple breaks before her water does. Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer- After her divorce from Brad Pitt, Aniston has been setting the bar really low for her choice in men, Mayer is no exception. What could she want with Jessica Simpson's sloppy seconds? Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon- Hey Nick, remember the crazy lady who tried to lure you with the ice cream when you were a kid?...Uh, yeah, you married her. Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo- On-again-off-again-on-again--you're making us nauseous! And now she says she wants six kids? Seriously, stop, before we puke! John McCain and Sarah Palin- It was fun while it lasted. We give 'em 20 more days before this Mavericky Duo call it quits for good! And we can't be any more pleased.

New quotas for 'maverick' word use, really wish John and Rick would stop micromanaging.

Submitted by sarah p. on 10/15/08 7:26am
Wednesday, October 15th 4:23PM Dear Diary, Have just received new quotas for use in future speeches.  Effective immediately: "Maverick"- 5 per speech "Terrorist"- 7 per speech "Bill Ayers"- 2 per speech "Washington outsider"- 3 per speech "Wasilla Main Street"- 2 per speech "Joe Six Pack"- 1 per speech "Hockey mom"- 2 per speech "Who is the real Barack Obama?"- 3 per speech Under no circumstances am allowed to discuss foreign policy (specifically Putin and Russia), Bridge to Nowhere, state trooper incident, Yahoo e-mail accounts, or educational background. When John dropped off list of speech dos and don’ts, was also instructed to watch tonight’s debate closely and “just copy whatever I say and do. And, dear God, shut up about Levi already.” Wonder if that means must learn how to hold arms like robot. Also, comment about Levi completely uncalled for. Apparently family values underrated these days. Anyway, really don’t see why I have to pay attention to these things at all as have already been told that must always stay on script. Sometimes feel misunderappreciated. Love yah! Sarah Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Sarah Palin

Pet Pig

Submitted by Anonymous on 10/15/08 6:57am
Does anyone have a pet pig? I have always wanted to have one as a pet, but am not sure. I live in an apartment. What advice do you have for me?

Re: CAT FOOD

Submitted by Anonymous on 10/15/08 5:45am
Would anyone recommend me the best brand of cat food available on the market. Thank you for your time Paula

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