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Wednesday, October 15 11:58pm Dear Diary, Just arrived home from debate, and I have very mixed feelings. First of all, who does John McCain think he is?! He didn’t remember my name??? I am Michelle Obama! And don’t you forget it, John. Furthermore, how dare he put the health of a woman in air quotes?! Lord knows he would never mock a man’s health. That probably cost him a large number of votes from women, unless they are pro-life. Never did understand women who’d allow the government to control pregnant women… Am hoping that others picked up on these insults and will vote accordingly. Also, shocking when McCain talked about Sarah Palin’s autistic child. Either he doesn’t care to know enough about the kids of his running mate (which speaks to his vetting process), or he doesn’t have a clue about the difference between autism and down syndrome! Or perhaps this is confirmation that the senility is really setting in. Regardless, my husband had a great debate. And according to the polls, he won! Nevertheless, per the request of Barack and Jon Stewart, and because this is an important document to have on file, I will make a list of Barack’s faults tomorrow. Going to sleep on it though, as the debate has made this a very late night. Yours always, Michelle Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Michelle Obama

I have a cat 7 months old and yesterday to today she lays on the groung whimpering and is not being very social. Sometimes she cranks her tail to one side and rolls over alot. She also gets worn out easily. Anyone have any answers?

Wednesday October 16^th

11:35PM

Dear Diary,

Final debate a blow-out win! Put that Harvard whipper-snapper in his place, maverick-style! Just high-fived everyone on campaign bus! Haven’t felt this fired up since appearance on The View! Campaign resurrected! Here comes Rick with the poll results now, I’m sure they will be…

…

Huh.

Cindy says I may have gotten worked up and come off as slightest bit “arrogant”. I mean arrogant, seems that use of air quotes as learned from Friends not completely accurate. Apparently highly “inappropriate” to use them while discussing health of expectant women, in any context.

At least am SURE scored some points with Joe the Plumber bit! What no one knows is Joe the Plumber actually a plant: Joe Lieberman wearing bald cap and heels. Face lift has rendered him unrecognizable; owed me a favor after I suggested it. Wish he would have been bit more creative with name, but beggars can’t be choosers. Rick claims tad bit of stretch to say plumber making $250,000, but figure that’s on lower end of middle class makes these days, if rich pull $5 million.

Ah well. May take a day or two for straight-talkin message to sink in with voters but am a patient man. Waited long time for this chance, and No. One. Is. Gonna. Mess. It. Up. Period.

Maverick, over and out.

John

Wednesday, October 15 11:54pm Dear Diary, Well, the polls are in, and Barack has won the debate. Good for him. Was concerned at the beginning when McCain came off so strong. But we all knew he couldn’t last that long. Besides, it’s past his bedtime anyway. However, I must comment about Joe the Plumber. Who is he? Yes, there are pictures online, and Fox News blew this story out of proportion. But why didn’t they stick with Joe Six-Pack? I liked that. I am a Joe Six-Pack, which helped me to show voters that I understand them. Am working out a way to relate to plumbers to self. Possible explanation: I will go through the White House and fix all the leaks where the Bush Administration has gone wrong. Explanation still in the works… Need to make sure that this doesn’t become a Biden-ism. Really insulted with the way McCain attacked me. I thought we were friends! I always called him a friend. But he really went after me. Barack didn’t go after Palin, and we all know how far that could go. Very respectable of Barack. Wonder if I could have shown that much restraint. But McCain totally got my plan for Iraq wrong! Not that anyone can expect McCain to get all the detail right in his age. At least all my attacks on him were truthful. Still, McCain finally was able to say, “I am not George Bush.” Sure took him long enough. Probably his best line of the whole debate. But not enough to save him. Really does look like we’re gonna win this election, which brings me one step closer to becoming the White House plumber. Until next time, Joe