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Wednesday October 15^th

5:17PM

Dear Diary,

Finally showered today in preparation for debate! Have spent entire day since then picking out outfit, very essential I look hotter than Michelle present myself well for American people. Slightly put out Paris Hilton says Sarah has hot body--paid a LOT for mine, as am sure Paris did for hers! Lots of talk since selection of Sarah about her MILF (or GILF) status; thus have decided imitation not only sincerest form of flattery but also best bet for toppling her and regaining rightful place as hottest Republican in lower 48.

Still have few hours to decide on perfect outfit. After mom jeans fiasco, was afraid Michelle ahead in First Lady race till I saw results of Family Circle cookie contest! Fantastic idea to pay off Martha Stewart for use of ultra-secret cookie recipe, as recipe contest has predicted all election winners since 1992. No way we can lose now! Also pleased to see Bill Clinton only received 2% of the vote. He probably paid off Rachel Ray, ha!

Only a few hours till debate! Fingers crossed for another Barack handshake!

xoxo,

cindy

Wednesday, October 15th

11:30PM

Dear Diary,

Barack wins again! Message of hope and change prevails! Worried about rocky start of debate—note to self: must narrow economic plan down to five principles, one less than John—but game plan of staying calm until angry old man started screaming turned out well. However, looked at responses to debate and fear that Joe the Plumber, like Joe Six Pack, has outstayed welcome. Have come up with possible replacements for Joes.

Top 10 Possible Replacements for â??Joe the Plumberâ?

1. Ed the Electrician (Pros: Will appeal to wide base of electrical engineers as well as do-it-yourself types. Cons: Do-it-yourself types likely to be electrocuted before Nov. 4.)

2. Gary the Gardener (Pros: Everyone likes plants. Cons: Environmentalists may feel gardens infringe upon wildlife sanctuaries.)

3. Bob the Builder (Pros: Well-liked by parents, teachers, childcare professionals. Cons: Actually a cartoon character.)

4. Wendy the Waitress (Pros: Waitresses bring food, are correspondingly very popular. Cons: Waitress voting bloc likely predominantly single women statistically likely to not vote.)

5. Mack the Mechanic (Pros: Everyone goes to mechanics. Cons: Everyone hates going to mechanics.)

6. Rebecca the Receptionist (Pros: Receptionists everywhere finally recognized. Cons: Receptionists still likely to be ignored.)

7. Mike the Mover (Pros: Manly profession appeals to males, overdeveloped muscles appeal to females. Cons: Mike the Mover real person, possibility of being sued.)

8. Holly the Hairdresser (Pros: Hairdressers usually attractive, attractiveness important. Cons: Large sections of U.S. population balding, may be offended.)

9. George the Garbage Man (Pros: Voters unlikely to come in contact with, references cannot be verified, can use in any situation. Cons: Smell possibly off-putting.)

10. Jesus the Carpenter (Pros: Appeal to religious right, can survive crucifixion. Cons: His Second Coming means Palin was right.)

Will run list by Michelle and David.

Hopefully yours,

Barack

PS. Still winning in polls!

Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Barack Obama