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Hey all you Metallica lovers out there!!! if you want to talk about anything Metallica feel free to write me!!! I would really love to here from you!!! Leperchaun

need help counting carbs was given a 1500 cal diet need to know how to plan meals around these calorie to maintain sugar levels close to normal thanks

Saturday, October 18th 11:58PM Dear Diary, Saturday Night Live show a success! Showed that Fey woman how to do real comedy when interrupted her fake press conference. Ha. So unrealistic. As if I would ever hold press conference. SNL completely losing touch with reality. On show, liberal elite Baldwin brother mistook me for Tina, but made up for derogatory comments by compliment on attractiveness. As have been telling John for six weeks, attractiveness most important anyway. Really must get John to salon in attempt to reduce “Skeletor” perception in media. Maybe eyeglasses would improve looks? Have heard my glasses have reached out to eyesight-challenged women everywhere, striking blow to glass ceiling. [Mentioned new eyeglass plan to Rick, but was told that ‘glass ceiling’ does not refer to actual eyeglasses. Suspect Rick actually vetoing plan because John insisted on wearing monocle.] Perhaps will adopt Alaska Rap as new theme song, replacing previously first choice of â??Redneck Womanâ?. Off to tour pro-America parts of America, far away from biased anti-America media. Have heard liberal media elite are largely of mixed European heritage and is well-known fact that Europe is communist nation like Russia. Love yah! Sarah

Saturday, October 18 10:42am Dear Diary, Am greatly looking forward to seeing Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live tonight. Going to be Sarah Palin imitating Tiny Fey mocking Sarah Palin. Should be hilarious. Wish I could be on SNL too, but am relieved to know that they don’t want me to look too bad before election. Unless it’s because they don’t think I’m funny enough, or not a popular enough celebrity… No, that’s ridiculous. I was on the Jay Leno show. And even if they didn’t think I was funny enough, at least people will remember me in a year, since it looks like we’re going to win solidly. I predict that in a year, Sarah Palin will disappear into obscurity. Unless her cases of unethical conduct keep surfacing… But yes, does appear that we’re really going to win this election! Barack had an amazing rally in St. Louis with 100,000 supporters! Have decided I need more noteworthy time in the spotlight, so have devised top ten ways I can get more publicity. Joe Biden’s Top Ten Publicity Stunts 1. Star on SNL. (Realize that Sarah Palin is doing it now, so may use this option in a couple years.) 2. Photographed at Red Carpet After-Party. (Celeb party would add attention, but can’t be seen acting up.) 3. “Biden”: the next Oliver Stone movie. (Must look educated, don’t want to draw comparisons to George Bush.) 4. Adopt African child. (Jill won’t mind since she’s a teacher, but have to make sure kid is true orphan, unlike Madonna’s kid.) 5. Star on TV show. (Imaging self to be the next Tim Gunn of Project Runway. Only problem, need more fashion sense.) 6. Write next landmark bill to be passed by Congress. (Need new idea for bill, since last two big laws were in 1994.) 7. Get photo-op with saved polar bear. (First learn how to tame polar bears.) 8. Convince despotic ruler to step down or reform government. (May actually be harder than it sounds.) 9. Walk in Senior Citizen Walk for Cancer. (Will look younger, fitter, and stronger; but not good publicity to remind people of senior citizen status). 10. Make next big Inconvenient Truth, possibly about foreign relations. (Must make sure it doesn’t look like an Al Gore knock-off). Will look into ways of putting these stunts into action. Until next time, Joe

Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Joe Biden