Locate a song...

Submitted by mous on 10/24/08 3:27am
Can someone help me locate the artist and album a song please? The chorus goes "There is healing in this house, healing in this house, manifested peace to calm troubled hearts with healing balm. There is healing in this house..."

What Do You Suppose This Book is About?

Submitted by mous on 10/24/08 2:36am
From the publishers of 'leaving nothing to the imagination' comes this classy tome:

Hey all!

Submitted by mous on 10/23/08 5:48pm
I am 23 years old, sexy girl looking for an model agent. We can make money together! I am in Atlanta, GA and I am having a great time. If you are interested call me @ 404) 897-3505 or e-mail me @ neli_manova@yahoo.com! Thanks!

List of My Important Endorsements and Voting Bloc Most Likely to be Influenced by Them

Submitted by mous on 10/23/08 5:08pm

Thursday, October 23rd 10:18PM

Dear Diary,

Came to realization today that if voters still undecided at this point in election cycle, there is good chance that they are completely unconscious. Will likely be difficult to sway voters if they cannot see handsome face, hear sweet words, or feel inspired by message of hope and change. Have decided instead to utilize innate human characteristic: The Herd Mentality. New campaign slogan: Everyone’s Doing It!

List of Important Endorsements and Voting Bloc Most Likely to be Influenced by Them

National Organization of Women to persuade women. Planned Parenthood to persuade sexually active women. The National Association of Muslim American Women to persuade Muslim American Women. Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton to persuade former U.S. presidents. Billy Joel to persuade Billy Joel fans. Colin Powell and Scott McClellan to persuade Bush supporters. Billy Crystal and Gene Wilder to persuade old people. Blake Lively to persuade teenagers who watch Gossip Girl. All newspapers ever to persuade people who are literate. Toni Morrison to persuade high school graduates who were required to read Beloved in their English class. Vera Wang to persuade women who covet expensive wedding gowns. Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, and Scarlett Johansson to persuade people who fantasize about actors and actresses. James Watson to persuade people who have DNA.

Plan is foolproof.

However, am worried John will retaliate with new TV attack ads: “Didn’t your mother warn you about jumping off a bridge just because all of your friends were doing it?” Will ask David how to counter such assaults.

Anyway, have most important endorsement: the polls!

Hopefully yours, Barack

Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Barack Obama

female models invited

Submitted by mous on 10/23/08 4:55pm
stunning gorgeous female models required for unique calendar projects. please respond directly with ONE photograph and all details at the e~mail anand_is_bliss@yahoo.com

FreeBee

Submitted by mous on 10/23/08 1:12pm
Has anyone heard of freebeeforeign pharmacy??/ #90 hydro10/325 for $64 and change...

Campaign Expenditures

Submitted by michelle o. on 10/23/08 1:10pm
Thursday, October 23 11:05pm Dear Diary, I had to deal with all those right-wing bloggers claiming that I’d enjoyed a $447.39 snack consisting of caviar, sparkling wine, lobsters, and other gourmet food. And yet, the most ridiculous part of the whole story is that I wasn’t even staying at that hotel! How desperate do these bloggers have to be? And yet, there’s hardly a peep about the fact that the McCain campaign has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on Sarah Palin’s image! $4,000 haircuts and new outfits for $150,000?! It’s amazing that someone doesn’t bring this to the national media’s attention. After all, John Edwards had a $400 haircut, which now pales in comparison to Palin’s new do. And, the people who donated that money should know where it’s going. Really telling how the McCain campaign is willing to fork out this much money for beauty. Shows the world where they see her value. And for that amount of money, you’d think they could have paid for some speech and tutoring lessons. The woman could visit a thesaurus once in a while so we don’t have to hear the word “maverick” so incessantly. Ugh, I could rant forever on that women. Iâ??m pretty sure that at least Sasha and Malia is more qualified to make decisions as a vice-president. At least she would have some compassion for people who didnâ??t agree with her. Yours always, Michelle Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Michelle Obama

Promotions and Protests

Submitted by joe six pack on 10/23/08 12:57pm
Thursday, October 23 10:30pm Dear Diary, Barack is in Hawaii, which means that we’re down one man in the campaign. Which means that this is the time for me to campaign more forcefully. Since we certainly need to keep up the campaigning in the last 2 weeks, I think it only makes sense for me to get out there. Asked David is I could temporarily take over the campaign trail again to reinforce Barack’s message. The conversation was surprisingly short, and am now wondering if I curtailed it a bit at the end. Me: Hey Dave, I’m thinking it’s time that I really take a stand on the campaign trail, since Barack’s in Hawaii. David: obama-is-elected/">Haven’t you don’t enough already? Me: NEVERRRR!!!!! Still believe the force was necessary, as I am next in line for presidency if Obama should step out, so to speak. Recently read that Karl Rove was attacked by an activist at some mortgage convention. Hilarious. That guy certainly deserves to be arrested for treason. Can’t believe everything he’s done. Honestly, that guy is evil. Still, was surprised how easily the woman was carried off stage. Probably drunk. Perhaps I can encourage more acts of political indiscretion? Or maybe this is where this generation is going in terms of not-so-peaceful protests… Until next time, Joe

Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Joe Biden

Promotions and Protests

Submitted by beatriz on 10/23/08 12:17pm
Thursday, October 23 10:30pm Dear Diary, Barack is in Hawaii, which means that we’re down one man in the campaign. Which means that this is the time for me to campaign more forcefully. Since we certainly need to keep up the campaigning in the last 2 weeks, I think it only makes sense for me to get out there. Asked David is I could temporarily take over the campaign trail again to reinforce Barack’s message. The conversation was surprisingly short, and am now wondering if I curtailed it a bit at the end. Me: Hey Dave, I’m thinking it’s time that I really take a stand on the campaign trail, since Barack’s in Hawaii. David: obama-is-elected/">Haven’t you don’t enough already? Me: NEVERRRR!!!!! Still believe the force was necessary, as I am next in line for presidency if Obama should step out, so to speak. Recently read that Karl Rove was attacked by an activist at some mortgage convention. Hilarious. That guy certainly deserves to be arrested for treason. Can’t believe everything he’s done. Honestly, that guy is evil. Still, was surprised how easily the woman was carried off stage. Probably drunk. Perhaps I can encourage more acts of political indiscretion? Or maybe this is where this generation is going in terms of not-so-peaceful protests… Until next time, Joe

Reasons Why I Am Not a Democratic Plant

Submitted by sarah p. on 10/23/08 12:16pm

Thursday, October 23rd

10:01PM

Dear Diary,

Spent hours today trying to convince campaign manager that am not secretly Democrat masterminding clever scheme to undermine McCain campaign. Initial argument that would not be on Republican ticket if was not Republican apparently not good enough, so have made list.

Reasons Why I Am Not a Democratic Plant

By Sarah L. Palin

1. Scarf incident not sign of changed allegiance, but of need to keep neck warm as RNC will no longer fund shopping expenditures.

2. Just because I am female and the only two other female politicians anyone knows about—Pelosi and Clinton—happen to be female does not mean I harbor dangerous Democratic tendencies. After all, I don’t have those awful pro-abortion views, now do I?

3. Praise for message of hope and change not indicator of belief in Barack’s party, but rather appreciation of good keywords. And, really, Republican Party needs words of hope and change more anyway. Have you seen what we put into White House last time?

4. Running mate believes that I am messiah. God wouldn’t be so unfair so as to put two messiahs in one party.

5. Don’t even like keeping plants as in Alaska have no need to maintain houseplants because instead have something called ‘the Great Outdoors’, which, for all you NYC people, is a big place filled with lots of plants. And oil.

6. If I was secretly supporting another party, it would not be the Democrats.

Love yah!

Sarah

PS. Middle initial ‘L’ stands for nice, non-terrorist name “Louise.” Just to be safe, researched origins of middle name. Turns out has German roots. Hope that this is not problem, but will warn Rick so that anti-Nazi arguments can prepared if necessary.

Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Sarah Palin

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