Most Effective Palin-isms

Wednesday, October 28th

7:48PM

Dear Diary,

Have heard that my way of talkin’ is good means of stirring up support among rural voters, obscuring issues, and, in general, winning election. Have compiled list of most effective Palin-isms and their English translations so as to increase use of most useful expressions in future speeches.

Palin-isms, Translations, and Uses

“Nucular”

Meaning: Refers to things that are very bad unless we have them.

Used: Frequently over last eight years with great success.

“You betcha!”

Meaning: ‘Of course I am right, you godless liberals’, but in non-controversial, folksy sort of way.

Used: After rhetorical questions.

“Pallin’ around with”

Meaning: Consorts with, heavily influenced by.

Used: For making dangerous insinuations while appearing to be discussing happy friendship-like activities.

“Minnesooda”

Meaning: A Midwestern state.

Used: To persuade voters with understanding of correct pronunciation of state name.

“Terrist”

Meaning: Muslims who hate God and try to destroy God’s chosen people.

Used: All the time.

However, while online sources say that way of speaking is good for campaign, campaign itself says that speaking at all is bad for campaign.

Love yah!

Sarah

Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Sarah Palin

when I wake up in the morning, he's THERE...

Tuesday October 28th

10:04PM

Dear Diary,

With all the talk about political influence of Saturday Night Live lately, decided to look up some old appearances of John’s on show and came across this. Well, New York Times, can you see NOW why I wanted to be in Arizona while my husband was in Washington?! Was having Personal Space Invaded on daily basis. Is even worse now, as Straight Talk Express approximately half the size of closet at ONE of my our 13 homes. Sigh. If only America knew what I had to put up with, they would have FAR more sympathy...

xoxo,

cindy

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Election Countdown

Tuesday, October 28 5:25pm Dear Diary, Can hardly believe that the election is one week away. After all this campaigning, I’m beginning to feel like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I really do believe that Barack could win this election, as long as there isn’t some plot to steal the election. Have to admit, I have been concerned about this “Perfect Match” business. After all, it has already disenfranchised so many voters in significant swing states like Florida! And then there are all those voters who were purged from the Colorado voting records by Secretary of State, Mike Coffman. Sure hope they win that lawsuit. I can hardly believe that we might be facing another Katherine Harris decision from the 2000 election, especially if those faulty voting machines aren’t fixed. If that is the case, one has to wonder if we can even claim to have a democracy. Well, if McCain and Palin win, I predict a huge exodus to Canada. That YouTube song – “Hey Sarah Palin,” or something – sure hit the nail on the head. I will consider moving to another country. Although Barack will probably stay her in order to save face. Well, hopefully we won’t even have to consider these options. Went on the Jay Leno show and mentioend Maliaâ??s recent comment about her father on TV. Always good publicity to portray her as having an edge. People love kids who say ridiculous things. After all, there was an entire show devoted to kids who say ridiculous things. But to be honest, Iâ??ll just be relieved when this is all over. Iâ??m getting so tired of being followed so closely by the media. Am hoping that this will abate a bit when Iâ??m in the White House. Must remember to talk to Laura Bush about this oneâ?¦ Yours always, Michelle Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Michelle Obama

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CMA Awards 2003

I grew up watching Johnny Cash and all of the old-timers, but after watching the CMA Awards Show tonight...can anyone say SYMPATHY VOTE????

The maverick out-mavericked

Tuesday October 28th

3:31PM

Dear Diary,

Darn it all! Pageant Runner-Up Governor Palin employed beauty queen tactics to dazzle holding cell guards into letting her waltz out of captivity; is now running amuck through nation, refusing to answer calls or recite key phrases we spent WEEKS forcing her to memorize. Rumors she is setting self up to be next leader of Party and thus seeking break from party leaders before her, meaning ME . Absurd! I would NEVER ever be so disrespectful to the party establishment that came before me, as they are ones who keep us where we are and ergo deserve utmost respect and reverence.

In other news, seven text messages from George W. just this morning asking if I am still alive; has been fearing heart attack due to failure to respond to his many inquiries. Told intern to reply that John doesn’t know how to use new-fangled SMS dealybopper. Or e-mail. Or phones. Ha! Liberal Media Elite spends so much time ragging on my advanced age, George may just believe it. After all, the man has fallen for some pretty ridiculous stories.

But back to Gov Palin—the nerve of that woman! Well, she can count out my endorsement.

Maverick, over and out.

John

Election Countdown

Tuesday, October 28 5:25pm Dear Diary, Can hardly believe that the election is one week away. After all this campaigning, I’m beginning to feel like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I really do believe that Barack could win this election, as long as there isn’t some plot to steal the election. Have to admit, I have been concerned about this “Perfect Match” business. After all, it has already disenfranchised so many voters in significant swing states like Florida! And then there are all those voters who were purged from the Colorado voting records by Secretary of State, Mike Coffman. Sure hope they win that lawsuit. I can hardly believe that we might be facing another Katherine Harris decision from the 2000 election, especially if those faulty voting machines aren’t fixed. If that is the case, one has to wonder if we can even claim to have a democracy. Well, if McCain and Palin win, I predict a huge exodus to Canada. That YouTube song – “Hey Sarah Palin,” or something – sure hit the nail on the head. I will consider moving to another country. Although Barack will probably stay her in order to save face. Well, hopefully we won’t even have to consider these options. Went on the Jay Leno show and mentioend Maliaâ??s recent comment about her father on TV. Always good publicity to portray her as having an edge. People love kids who say ridiculous things. After all, there was an entire show devoted to kids who say ridiculous things. But to be honest, Iâ??ll just be relieved when this is all over. Iâ??m getting so tired of being followed so closely by the media. Am hoping that this will abate a bit when Iâ??m in the White House. Must remember to talk to Laura Bush about this oneâ?¦ Yours always, Michelle

Most Effective Palin-isms

Wednesday, October 28th

7:48PM

Dear Diary,

Have heard that my way of talkin’ is good means of stirring up support among rural voters, obscuring issues, and, in general, winning election. Have compiled list of most effective Palin-isms and their English translations so as to increase use of most useful expressions in future speeches.

Palin-isms, Translations, and Uses

“Nucular”

Meaning: Refers to things that are very bad unless we have them.

Used: Frequently over last eight years with great success.

“You betcha!”

Meaning: ‘Of course I am right, you godless liberals’, but in non-controversial, folksy sort of way.

Used: After rhetorical questions.

“Pallin’ around with”

Meaning: Consorts with, heavily influenced by.

Used: For making dangerous insinuations while appearing to be discussing happy friendship-like activities.

“Minnesooda”

Meaning: A Midwestern state.

Used: To persuade voters with understanding of correct pronunciation of state name.

“Terrist”

Meaning: Muslims who hate God and try to destroy God’s chosen people.

Used: All the time.

However, while online sources say that way of speaking is good for campaign, campaign itself says that speaking at all is bad for campaign.

Love yah!

Sarah

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