If phase 1 is denial, what phase is the blame game?
Thursday November 6th
9:15AM
Dear Diary,
Top Reasons We Lost Election (As Was Obviously Completely and Totally Not My Fault)
By John S. McCain
Liberal Media You-Tube-Sensation Elite; in particular, I blame Obama girl and the Hey Sarah Palin guys.
Fraudulent claims that “Original Maverick” was actually some guy named Samuel Augustus Maverick. Sam, I’ve got news for you—refusing to brand your cattle does NOT make you a maverick. Taking on own Party establishment and choosing running mate’s name out of a hat, now THAT’S mavericky. There’s only one Original Maverick, and that’s this guy right here.
Oprah.
Due to overwhelming complaints over usage of songs at campaign rallies and lack of openly Republican musicians, forced to select Heidi Montag’s “Higher” as official song. Cindy’s choice of Heidi’s “Overdosin” unanimously vetoed by campaign staff.
Blatant plagiarism of memoir title by opponent. I mean “Dreams from my Father”? Sound suspiciously like…Faith of My Fathers?! (Oh wait—Rick says Mr. Yes-We-Can-Hope-For-Audacious-Dreams published his four years before mine. Told Rick ‘What are you still doing here, please go home to your family” Rick said “I have no one left but you”).
The color red. Am completely baffled as to why GOP would choose international symbol of communism as official Party hue. CNN viewers likely thought “red” states being overrun by China. Also not very helpful when attempting to paint opponent as socialist.
Dreading return to Senate. Hillary Clinton and John Kerry will be even MORE condescending than they always are, if that’s possible.
Maverick, over and out.
John
Originally posted in The Secret Diary of John McCain
Remaking Stablemates...
Skin aligeries
On second thought—
Wednesday, November 5th
9:18PM
Dear Diary,
Just looked at today's stock market numbers. Man, economy really in bad place right now. Maybe should give it back before it's too late— Yours, President-Elect Barack Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Barack ObamaIn return for love, will work hard to pick good cabinet, not attack Russia, magically fix economy, etc.
Wednesday, November 5th
9:12PM
Dear Diary,
Am loved:
World loves me for not being Bush.
Majority of United States loves me (though am still unclear on Missouri and North Carolina’s feelings) for not being Bush.
Malia and Sasha love me for promise of new puppy.
Michelle loves me for First Lady status and thus chance to follow in Hillary’s footsteps.
Democrats in Senate and House love me for coattails (really more like cape at this point).
In return for love, will work hard to pick good cabinet, not attack Russia, magically fix economy, etc.
Yours,
President-Elect Barack
Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Barack Obama
Itchy Skin
Africa not anywhere near Alaska and only really important member of NAFTA is United States. Totally knew that one
Wednesday, November 5th
10:12PM
Dear Diary,
Well, thatâ??s it, folks. Am back in Alaska.
Impressed by Johnâ??s speech last nightâ??seemed so calm and positive! Was shocked. Maybe if he hadnâ??t been so angry before, could have been giving different speech tonightâ?¦but will not blame John or think of â??what ifâ?? scenarios. Poor man has enough on plate as isâ??did you see how Cindy looked last night? Would be scared to go home if I were him.
Anyway, am disappointed, of course, but am grateful for first exposure to national political scene, giving me excellent preparation for future elections. However, won’t mention plans to media just yet. Barack Obama’s friends in the media still harping on details given by disgruntled campaign workers. Right, blame the poor outsider for the failed campaign. As if I had any idea how to run one of these things! Not my fault. Anyway, not as if I had reason to know about extensive details about continents and trade agreements. Africa not anywhere near Alaska and only really important member of NAFTA is United States and I totally knew that one.
Oh, Bristol wants to talk to me. Something about Levi and marriage. Bet she just canâ??t wait to marry that handsome young man!
Love yah!
Sarah
Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Sarah Palin