Q's Just Not The Same
James Bond wouldn't be much if it wasn't for his gadgets. They saved his bacon on more than one occasion and every one of them from a laser watch to missile toting automobile was given to him by one man...Q. While Bond's and M's have changed through the years, the one constant was Desmond Llewelyn's Q.
If there was ever a man that could measure up Bond in a second and put him in his place, it was Q. When it was Connery, the two men weren't that far apart in age. Q and Bond could easily have been friends and as they got older, so did the deepness of their friendship.
The Roger Moore years saw a more distance between them, which I blame just as much on Moore's standoffishness as anything else. It wasn't until the Timothy Dalton and Pierce Brosnan years that the familiarity was back again. By then, the dynamic was different. Q had aged considerably, but Bond was ageless. Their relationship was almost like father and son, where the father had to just let him go out and make his mistakes.
Q didn't treat Bond like he was the end all be all super agent. he knew that much if his success came from is gadgets and treated him accordingly. When Llewelyn died 1999, John Cleese had some pretty big shoes to fill. Cleese is known for his comedy and sadly that's what Q has been reduced to in the recent movies.
A man exasperated by Bond without the strength to call the super agent on his mistakes. I hope as the series continued Q once again gets that camaraderie that Llewelyn worked so hard on for decades.
Facebook Phenomenons - God in the Machine
Welcome to a new article chain that will be dealing with the amazing social networking phenomenon that is the Facebook. Pretty much everyone in the world seems to have a profile on Facebook and many people (myself included) use it as a primary source of communication. Though there are other social networking sites like the big FB, none of them come close to measuring up when it comes to sheer number of users. And as everyone knows, the more people you cram into a crowded room, the worse the stink gets.
Facebook is no exception.
The good, the bad, the ugly and the illiterate all gather here. It’s so easy to make a profile that even people’s cats and other pets seem to be able to figure it out. So each week I will be looking at something from FB that has struck me as interesting or funny (or just plain WTF?) and letting you all enjoy my journey. Considering I spend about 16 hours a day or more logged into the damn site, I might as well make something of it, right?
Hopefully this journey will be as entertaining for you as it is for me.
First up in the land of Facebook - God. Yes, the almighty lord of all creation has his own Facebook profile. Actually, he has several profiles, but the one I enjoy the most is the irreverent, swearing and cursing, straightforward and rude version of God. He gets a lot of flak for being the deity that he chooses to be and most Christians don’t seem too eager to praise him in this incarnation. Oddly enough, regardless of all the F-bombs and other non-religious things he likes to engage in, he makes some pretty good points. If I was a religious man, this is the God I would prefer to have watching my back.
Let me give you a few examples of what God has to say through social networking.
Here, as my first example, is something that he posted just a few hours ago. It’s a bit of inspiration for people, courtesy of what is most likely a recycled bit of spam.
See? That’s not so bad, is it? So why does everyone hate him so much? And I’m not talking the atheists - they seem to love him. It’s the Christians that get angry. I’m guessing they didn’t think he was like this when they started worshiping him. Finding out who someone really is can be a bitch, especially when you give your heart to them.
Look a little further down for an example of how people treat the big G:
But he just shrugs it off and goes on about his day. After all, it’s not easy being God and you can’t please all of the people all of the time. But what God can do is help others by making their day a little more entertaining.
Is he the really, real God? Well, I’m an atheist, so I’d have to say no, since there is no really, real God. Is what he has to say a little closer to the ideals of Christianity than some Christians? Damn straight. There’s no hate coming out of Facebook God, just a bit of light-hearted trolling and a connection with his creations.
I will leave you with this final thought, courtesy of FB God:
A deity without a sense of humor would be a horrible thing to contemplate. I’m glad there’s at least one God I can get behind, even if he does live on Facebook instead of in my heart.
If you are a believer (or just curious) take a trip to visit his profile. If you enjoy what he has to say, give him a “like” and receive updates on your own FB daily, straight from the mouth… er, fingers of the Almighty himself.
The Emergency Job
As a writer, there are times that are tough and money just doesn't seem to be flowing in fast enough. It could be clients just aren't paying you or the jobs just aren't out there. It's during these times that I end up doing what I like to call the emergency jobs.
These are jobs that may pay crap, but you get the money right away. It could be you go to a bidding site and bid $3 for 20 500-word articles or hit up some old clients for any writing needs. These days usually happens on Thursday or Friday and go towards things for the weekend. I don't much of a life outside work and home, but I occasionally do like to take my kids out to lunch or to a bowling alley.
The emergency job is glamorous and can be a pain in the butt, but the important thing is the money is fast. Many people like to wait a week or two before paying, even after getting an invoice, but the emergency job requires either money upfront or a very quick turnaround.
Many times the jobs themselves are boring and tedious. It can be as simple as rewriting the same article 10 times or using incredibly awkward SEO in articles for submission services. The client doesn't;t care if the writing is good, only that you're doing the work so he doesn't have to.
If it gets to the point where you're doing emergency jobs every weekend or even in the middle of the week, then you should probably look for a more stable profession.
Revenge of the Potty Mouth
My children have never had a problem with cursing. My wife and I have tried our best to keep our language PG rated, but I admit to the occasional slip. Recently, there has been a significant uptake in my middle child's use of bad words.
It's not all the time and thankfully it only seem to be at home, but I wanted to find out where he was learning these words. I have a tablet and one of my son's favorite things to do is watch shows and other videos on YouTube.
I never really thought much of it, but when I was sitting in the living room one day, I overheard one of the videos he was watching. It was some kind of homemade rap video that was set to some old video game music. I thought it was pretty funny until I started hearing some seriously bad language. A lot of seriously bad language.
I stepped in and took the tab away and reminded him that he shouldn't be watching that. He apparently started out watching cartoons and then started clicking on the similar videos tab. As much as I would like to blame YouTube for the mishap, I realized it was my fault.
I assumed YouTube didn't do that, and I should have taken more time to look into it. The potty mouth has since subsided, but I don't let them watch YouTube anymore. Instead, Netflix kids is as far as they get to go.
Don't let them get you down
When that phone rings nonstop and you know that its your bank or credit cards on the other end wanting your money, it's easy to get depressed. They send you letters tinged in red and threaten everything lawsuits to wage garnishments.
It's important that you not let them take you down. Once you get defeated, they have you in their grasp. All creditors have to follow rules set forth by the government, they can only call you during certain hours, can't threaten you with criminal proceedings and if you tell them to stop calling, then they have to.
If they don't, then you can file a complaint with the Federal government. In this society, debt has become a way of life. We owe money on everything from our cars and homes to our education. Many people fall on hard times and can't make their payments.
These creditors only want their money. They don't care about your situation and they are more than willing make deals and get you in touch with debt programs because it helps them get their money. When it looks like that isn't going to happen, they come after your wages. The good news is that wage garnishment is really their last straw.
The government mandates that they can only take 15 percent of your income, so if you can somehow make it with that then they'll leave you alone. You will get out of debt eventually. Always remember that there is always a rainbow after a bad storm.
Joe McKinney
The problem with being a writer is that self publicity is essential. We use our twitter and Facebook as soundboards for our latest novels, contests, etc. It's a necessary part of the gig. For most writer, it ends there. Joe McKinney goes far beyond the call of duty.
You may be familiar with his many published short stories and books including Quarantined. He lives in Texas and writes horror, crime science fiction all the while keeping his day job as a police officer. You'll notice that many of his articles feature a heavy police element. You write what you know, right.
McKinney is an amazing writer and he also likes to help out those beginning writers. Many of us are friends with him on Facebook and in between posts about his books, etc. he gives advice on writing and updates people about the life and times of Joe McKinney.
As a writer, his opinion and knowledge is invaluable. He's the writer we all hope to eventually be and that's not going to happen overnight. Any help we can get from the masters are greatly appreciated. He also is more than happy to talk about his personal life and the what's going. You begin to know Joe McKinney the man and he's a really good guy.
One day, I hope that I can offer the same kinds of advice to people and actually feel like I am qualified to write it. If you have the chance, friend him on Facebook and get know a wonderful human being.
The Walking Dead
If you didn't see the mid-season finally of The Walking Dead stop reading now because there are some serious spoilers on the way. It's obvious that there is going to be a showdown between the Governor and the prison in the near future and it all came to ahead.
As you may remember, Glenn and Maggie were captured and Michonne found her way to the prison carrying a bunch of baby supplies. The group decides on a rescue mission and they invade the Happy Acres crazy farm. Michonne kills the Governor's undead daughter and stabs him in the eye. Yeah, he's not happy.
They rescue Glenn and Maggie, but in the process they lose one of the prisoners and Daryl gets captured. As the mid-season finale ends, a new group enters the prison. Gov decides it's time to invade and just before the credits close, Daryl is brought into the coliseum and the brothers finally meet. The Gov says that Merle was a traitor...the end.
We got a glimpse of next season and Daryl was in in it, so we got that going for us. They have no problem killing main characters, so I am relieved. We didn't see Merle, so I don't think their reunion ends well. Merle is a jerk, but he has always looked out for his little brother. Rick seems to be clear of his mental break, but hey, there's still half a season left. I can't wait to find out what happens next, but I bet an eye patch in involved.
The Craigslist Files #176 - More Useless Free Crap
If it’s one thing that Craigslist has in abundance, it’s people trying to get rid of their useless crap. Most of them try to charge a bit of money, even the smallest bit, to justify the exchange of their garbage into someone else’s hands. But others accept the fact that what they have is rubbish and that making it gone from their lives is far more important than making any sort of profit. Some of these items are simply things not useable any more, perhaps even useful in the long run if they can find the right owner. And a few of these items are so utterly bizarre that it seems pointless to ask anyone else to take them - unless they happen to be collectors of the strange, unusual and useless.
Here are a few of the more entertaining posts I’ve found this week that deal with people dumping their burdens on others at the cost of zero dollars.
The first is… well, a family heirloom of some sort. Regardless of how loved it is, it’s not something that one could typically find a use for. Perhaps it could serve as a space-filler for that annoying empty spot on your shelf?
Free stuffed walrus head
This walrus head has been in my family for years. I have never liked it. It was given to me by my father in his will. I'm sure it's his idea of a way to get back at me for my alternative lifestyle that he never aproved of. I'm going to throw this in the dumpster if I don't get rid of it by the end of the week. I can't even sleep with this thing in my house so I'll be awake all night, feel free to give me a call at any time to let me know when you can come pick it up.
The next one is actually a fully fledged useful item that all sorts of people might want. I picked this one out for the great presentation. This should be a lesson to all those wanting to unload free things on Craigslist. If you want to get rid of it fast, be entertaining. Although I’d recommend using better spelling and grammar than this guy.
its Jared here, with COUCH-WOW
Hey Folks, Jared here.
I have a terific new product here to show you..
ITS COUCH-WOW.... and for a limited time only you too can enjoy this wonderful couch. AND ITS YOURS FREE.... thats right for just 3 easy payments of $0.00 you too can have this couch.. its a great deal.. and its all yours FREE... BUT WAIT.. THERES MORE... email.now and ask about express pick up... thats right you can pick it up right now.. FOR FREE... BUT WAIT.. THERES MORE... for a limited time only ... cause you know i cant do this all day... for the first emailer to ask.. I WILL HELP YOU LOAD IT INTO YOUR TRUCK... FOR FREE....
now you ask how this deal can get any better.. well here it is... again for a limited time only.. i will also throw in the places where the CATS SCRATCHED THE COUCH... unbeleivable?... I KNOW.. but its all yours for free..
email now.. our operators are standing by
The next item up for grabs is a splendid two-for-one offer. Actually, it’s more of a combo item, mixing the best of the birds and the bees together in one package. While this individual is certainly giving away something for free, I’m guessing that it’s just a poor-man’s way of avoiding having to call a proper pest control specialist.
Bird House and Bee Hive
Free to anyone who will come and take them:
A nice custom handcrafted bird house that has been occupied by a few different tenants over the seasons, not currently an avairy residence but an apiary one; which leads to the second item offered, a fully functioning bee hive, queen and drones included along with undoubtedly fresh straight from the comb honey.
These items are not offered seprately but as a package.
Want just the hive? Get a free birdhouse.
The two should not beE difficult to remove from their current location for any experienced or daring individuals. These bees have not shown any agressive tendancies; they seem approachable for observation or photography, and do not mind yard work that happens close by. The birdhouse (beehouse?) is located in the corner of my yard about five feet from the ground attached to a telephone pole with two ordinary phillips head screws (included of course!).
Please contact me with any questions.
And the final entry is an item that I’m pretty sure is illegal to give away - a human being. Apparently, grandpa is no longer wanted and someone thought that Craigslist would be the best way to find him a good home. I think the poster needs to rethink his sales pitch though.
FREE TO A GOOD HOME
FREE TO A GOOD HOMEHave we got a great deal for you!
Have you ever wondered how your life would be with a hateful, cantankerous, rude, hypocrytical, opinionated, obnoxious, obese, angry, hairy, verbally abusive, and co-dependant Grandfather that your not related to?
His name is Leland, hes in his 70's, hopefully in poor health. Leland enjoys judging others and enabling one of his many criminal children to plunder various objects from his wives family.
If you enjoy suspenders, creepy non-audible chuckling, being referred to as "dickhead", generic old man comb-overs, random accusations of drug abuse, that old people stench that sticks in the back of your throat, rude judgemtal comments about your loved ones, watching your grandmother be maliciously manipulated into hating her own children/grandchildren/anyone, your house being cluttered with useless shit that he pretends he invented, and interacting with someone who is completely devoid of a soul, then we have the Leland for you!
Care Instructions:
1)Leland needs plenty of happiness to suck out of the area around him, so make sure that you provide him enough sacrifices. (I.E. children, cats, adult humans....really anyone extra you have laying around).
2) Make sure you have a healthy supply of ridiculous red suspenders readily available.
3)An elderly woman to follow around and order about.
4)Enough tools to invent really crappy things that for some wierd reason really have been invented before.
5)Thousands of dollars in cash or anything tradeable/sellable/pawnable so that his worthless, space wasting peices of shit sons can come and steal it for drugs.
6)Anyone that ever needs a favor excluding anyone in his family, so that he can have the immense joy and satisfaction of telling them no.
7)Cats to kick.
8) Children to kick.
9)Disabled people to kick.
10)Erection pills, he cant get it up alone, but he needs to jerk off to his diabolical genius. Possibly his inability to achieve an erection has caused some of his more "Fun" personality quirks.
As hard as it is to let such a wonderful person and human being leave our lives... We all feel the need to share this beautiful creation of god with the rest of the community, if not the world.
If you feel up to the task... PLEASE don't dilly dally around.. I imagine everyone will rush to respond to such an earth shattering offer... he may be gone before you can get to him.
SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY
And so ends another journey through the wonderful world of Craigslist, where you can find a little bit of everything. Usually it’s for sale, but sometimes you can get it for free. Just don’t put your expectations too high when it comes to the free stuff.
Until next time, please avoid trying to pawn people on Craigslist - I’m fairly certain you can end up going to jail for that.
The Holiday Post
It Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza and Festivus time again, so the mines of bloggers turn to series swag from sponsors and the ever present holiday post. Everyone does them regardless of what holiday you celebrate.
It's a fluff filled post about how much you love your family and how thankful you are for everything. I hate these things. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, etc., but holiday posts are so contrived and formulaic that they are the blogging equivalent of literary vomit. I know, people are going to get all over me for this, but it's totally unnecessary.
You spend the year creating a blog that fits your niche. It take a lot of work and you make a point to not include frivolous posts. If you want frivolous, then shoot a tweet or Facebook update. Suddenly, the weather turns colders, the tree goes up and the world forgets everything they've been taught. I have written many Christmas posts for many different blogs over the years.
They often used memories from my childhood or recent with my family, thanks and joy for the season, etc. Everyone eats it up and you got an easy to write post for the day. Maybe I'm just a Scrooge that has lost the Christmas spirit. The holiday post is obligatory and you're going to do it, so just have fun. If you start feeling a little sappy about it, then revise it a little and put some meat into it. Talk about something that is connected to your blog niche..