The Total Money Makeover
I borrowed The Total Money Makeover after seeing it was highly recommended on a website I like, and I don’t even have the stomach to finish it. I think it’s like reading The Shack; everyone said I would love it, yet the first few pages were so full of obnoxious drivel that I couldn’t help but put it down. Forever.
Look, if you want to put a book out there, it has to be a book. You cannot repeat the same thing over and over for sixty pages and expect it to be called a book, though I suppose this book has sold enough copies to make plenty of people say it passes as one. And using an editor is always a good idea, too.
It’s not even as if the makeover isn’t helpful at all; there are plenty of good tips inside masquerading as holier than thou, male, white privilege. If you’re a single mom, you’re pretty much SOL; don’t bother with these tips.
There’s also lots of fat hate and religious doctrine going on, so if you’re not into either of those things, you probably won’t enjoy the book, either. Seriously—the author bashes being fat (and even uses it, among other poor metaphors, to describe being in debt or managing money poorly—when I thought everyone wanted a fat wallet!) and uses proverbs (interpreted in his own way, of course) in every few pages. I kept feeling like I was reading the same two pages over and over again.
Most of the tips, by the way—from not using credit to keeping a written budget for every dollar you spend—are pretty simple and self-explanatory. The entire helpful contents of the book could be printed on a single list of bullet points, but I suppose that wouldn’t pass for a book, either.
The Rumpelstiltskin Problem
Have you ever been miffed by the Rumpelstiltskin tale? Sure, it’s a fairy tale—but why would a weird little man who makes gold want a baby (surely he could buy one with all of the gold he spins)? And why would an idiot miller claim his daughter could spin straw into gold in the first place—and to a king, no less? Vivian Vande Velde, one of my new favorite authors, pointed out these fallacies and more in her short but fun book The Rumpelstiltskin Problem, then gave the story several new updates that better explain what happened.
Although it wasn’t very long ago when I considered myself a “purist” who couldn’t stand the idea of, say, The Wizard of Oz being “updated” or changed, I now realize not only that everything we create is pretty much an updated version of something else—I also love twists on traditional fairy tales and classic stories! There’s also the fact that most of the “originals” we hold dear are not even originals, but either glorified Disney animated Hallmark cards dummied down for kids or even simply retellings passed down over generations, continually changing. We may never know the “originals” at all.
With all of this in mind, I have to encourage you to check out Vande Velde’s collection here. You’ll find a monstrous Rumpelstiltskin as well as a couple of very kind ones. He will be various creatures or none, and the miller’s daughter will either be kind, cunning, or downright daft. So will the miller himself. One story doesn’t even have him in it, but a story about him concocted in order to free the miller’s daughter instead. The element of humor is present in most of the tales, but there’s also a little bit of love, a little bit of horror and a whole lot of magic.
Having run across other versions of this tale in anthologies edited by Terri Winding and Ellen Datlow (which is where I ran across Vivian Vande Velde for the first time, actually!), I know that there is a wealth of other versions of stories like these out there—Vande Velde’s own collections included—that will delight readers if they can keep their minds open, too. Children and teens, particularly those who are familiar with the story, will really love this book—but so will adults who can’t get enough of fairy tales (like yours truly).
Days of Blood and Starlight
Previously I have stated that Laini Taylor’s Daughter of Smoke and Bone was my favorite book of 2012. It wasn’t published this year, but I read it this year, so I say that counts. I continue to stand by this statement, but I have to confide that its recently published sequel (actually of the 2012 books), Days of Blood and Starlight, is nearly as good—and is definitely one of the most stirring, brutal books I’ve ever read.
It’s been a while since I was moved this much by a book. Not since The Hunger Games and its sequels, which I experienced in 2010 (OK, and several times again since), have I been as obsessed with something so violent yet moving, so horrific yet beautiful at the same time. I won’t give spoilers here because it’s just that damn good, and you need to go out and read both books immediately.
The haunting nature of this book has left me reeling from it days after experiencing it, and I have to warn you that it’s incredibly violent—though the violence is often left undescribed, with simply its aftermath there for us to blatantly see. The themes of young people experiencing war (and being used as games within it) are present, and I am sure things will become even more harrowing in the third book (yes, expect another, as this one, too, is to be continued).
Ms. Taylor, I await your next installment with eager eyes!
Remembering Raquel
If you hear about a book that’s supposed to feature different points of view about high school children, neighbors, and family members of a recently deceased girl, you might roll your eyes. I was a bit skeptical myself. Even though I trust Vivian Vande Velde to give me a stellar story, this very plot idea reeked of a glorified ant-bullying PSA—until I read it.
See, I should have trusted Vande Velde!
In Remembering Raquel, every person in young Raquel’s life has a chapter featured that includes their own personal story with the titular character—whose death was likely an accident, depending on whose recollections you read, and not the suicide attempt that some people believe. It is slowly revealed that she is not just the school “fat girl,” but a bright, funny teen with at least one good best friend, who sadly was split from her after their elementary schools were funneled into middle schools—which happens to kids all of the time.
It’s not a pandering book. There aren’t big revelations like, “Oh, if I’d been nicer to her Raquel would still be here!” There are a few subtle realizations like this, but mostly there is just the remembrance of a girl who didn’t mean a lot to most people until she died. There is also the forging of friendships—and the learning about one’s self that often occurs when faced with mortality.
Of course, there is also the stuck-up airs of people who can never seem to get over themselves no matter what, who do not possess a shred of humility or compassion, and that was actually enjoyable to read, too—not because such people are a delight to be around, but because it’s the truth, and it helps us remember that even if life gets hard and we suddenly aren’t in the picture anymore, the people we wish would change often won’t anyway.
I enjoyed this YA novel and I think teens would, too, though it’s not like Vande Velde’s other works as much as I’d have liked it to be. It still had some surprises in store for readers, which is her trademark, but I guess I just wanted a witch or a talking wolf somewhere…That, of course, is just my love of fantasy coming through. Kids who enjoy coming of age novels, and teachers who are looking for age appropriate material, would probably do well with this short novel.
Cloaked in Red
I have written before about how Vivian Vande Veldes’ young adult literature is filled with magic and wonder, with excellent twists that make readers gasp or laugh. They are always delivered in smaller, more manageable bites than most of today’s authors, who seem to think a novel isn’t a novel unless it’s over 400 pages, works, which make them engaging for even so-called reluctant readers.
I don’t buy reluctant readers; I think anyone who doesn’t enjoy reading either struggles with it, which makes it unenjoyable, or simply hasn’t found the right story yet. This has proven itself over and over to me both as a parent and a teacher, and I’ll stand by it until I see one case otherwise.
Vande Velde likes to take on fairy tales with problems, especially of a plot nature. Why are people so stupid in fairy tales? She wonders. To explain why a woodcutter would just suddenly leap into a house and cut open a cross-dressing wolf, or why a loving parent would send a little child into the woods all by herself, and many other conundrums, Vande Velde penned the collection of short stories, Cloaked in Red.
Readers will delight in these fun and fanciful tales. Whether Red is a crafty girl, a poor girl hoping to escape her parents, or a dimwitted dwindle head, she’s always fun to read about—as is her ever-changing granny, the many wolves of the book, and other memorable characters. You’re bound to select one of the many tales as your favorite new telling of the classic story (spoilers ahead).
My favorite story is more about the grandmother than anyone else. She is a widowed woman who lives alone, and wants to stay that way. A man is after her money by marriage, and her son worries she is too old to take care of herself. She ends up adopting a wolf who protects her from both, in different ways, and silliness ensues as her relationship with her new guard/pet molds to fit the classic story, however slightly and skewed it is.
Last year I saw a little girl dressed as “Little Dead Riding Hood” for Halloween and I thought it was the cleverest costume ever. I look forward to reading many other versions of this tale throughout my lifetime—perhaps I’ll even tell a few of my own—but I would definitely recommend Vande Velde’s collection to enjoy right now.
Easy holiday cheese balls
If you want to be a hit at your next party, or to serve up an appetizer that will make guests sing your praises, you’ve got to make a cheese ball. Even if you don’t like cream cheese, you could still like the cheese ball—I have family members who do this—and who says you have to eat your own cooking anyway? Just make it and bask in the praise.
A cheese ball is super simple, and you can alter it in any way you like to create custom snacks for any gathering. My mother always makes them for holidays—always using the same recipe—so I started making different flavors for family gatherings and both ideas remain a hit. People always want something to dip when they gather—what is it about dipping?—and a cheese ball gives them this pleasure without making a mess in your carpet.
All you need is some cream cheese and whatever flavors you want to put in it (I know this is vague; stay with me here!). My mom uses five to six sticks of cream cheese in her cheese balls since she likes to make big ones; I like to make different flavors of smaller ones, so I use two to three packages per ball.
You dump your cheese, rather unceremoniously but there you go, into a mixing bowl. Then add your flavoring agents. My mother likes to put chopped green onions, chopped corned beef, and Worcestershire sauce in hers. I like to splash some lemon in my cheese balls to brighten them up if I make them like this, and I usually skip the onions—we don’t like them!—and add in some onion powder and garlic.
I also like to make them with curry, and I had a really successful one a few years ago with diced up cucumber and dill in it. It was like a big cucumber sandwich! Once you have your ball made with whatever you like, you roll it up and serve it with crackers, celery sticks, or whatever else you’d like to serve it with.
For the holidays, you can always shape it into something else—like a Christmas tree, wreath, or star—to help set the mood and go with the décor, of course. Garnish it with some sliced fruit or tomatoes for a display that not only pops, but offers additional snacks in the process.
Do we really have room to talk?
On Christmas, my family had a lovely get together filled with food, games and laughter. It was over much too early since many of us had to work the next day (several family members work in retail), but it was one of the best Christmases I can ever recall. A childhood friend stopped by to visit after being away at college for several years, and it was lovely to see her, too.
This young woman was a friend of my sister’s, and is about six years or so younger than me, so she’s in her early twenties right now. She looked sophisticated and festive, and when she talked she reminded me so much of how I spoke and thought at her age, or perhaps a little younger.
She mentioned how there are women at her place of work who think they are better than everyone else, and she remarked, “Really? You’re from X county!” meaning, of course, our county. I had to laugh; I’ve said the same thing so many times about different people in my life as well.
What I didn’t say, though—because it would have been condescending; I would have rolled my eyes at that age myself—is that your birthplace matters far less than you think. I wonder if anyone ever told Oprah or Gandhi or Mother Theresa or JK Rowling, “Really? You’re from X county!” when they attempted to do anything huge in their lifetimes.
We don’t think about this when we grow up. We think about leaving this “hick town” or “one horse town” or whatever you call where you came from, and we think we’ll never be back. We think that nobody ever amounted to anything in our town, and we’re probably wrong. Look at all of the firefighters, teachers, doctors, lawyers, mothers and fathers in your town—they all surely mean the world to someone. I don’t think Gandhi or Mother Theresa came from New York or Los Angeles, either.
I like that I know this now. I wish I had known it sooner, but there’s no way in hell a teenager would believe such sentiments! I wonder if there’s a way to help young people see that it doesn’t matter where you’re from as long as you be an authentic, kind person who follows your heart and your dreams.
Of course, as for those broads giving my friend some trouble—well, a little humility does go a long way!
All Hallows' Eve
Of all of the Vivian Vande Velde books I picked up and read voraciously over the week of Christmas, All Hallows' Eve was by far my favorite. Tragic and gruesome (but not explicitly so), filled with horror and Vande Velde’s trademark surprises, it’s a collection of 13 wonderfully scary short stories—some of them so short you can read them in less than 10 minutes—that any thrill lover would be happy to read.
This was my first time experiencing real horror at Vande Velde’s hands. I’ve read some stories where she displayed elements of horror and crime, but never stories that were horror at their center. I think she needs to venture into this territory more often because she does it quite well.
One of my favorite stories in the book features a misleading title—don’t they all when it comes to Vande Velde?—and a building tension, a creeping dread, that makes me shiver and want to read it all over again at the same time. I love tension building in scary books and movies—any books and movies, really, as long as it’s done well; that’s why I’m such a fan of No Country for Old Men, Mystic River, and other films many people consider simply “slow.” Make no mistake: this story is far from slow. All of the stories in the book carry a quick pace that is sure to wow you and keep you up at night—not from reading, as it’s a fast read, but from staring into the dark, waiting, waiting…
Mighty Girls Club
I’ve been preparing the co-op classes that I will offer next semester in our two co-op groups, and I am most excited about starting a Mighty Girls Club for children ages 5 to 8. If you aren’t familiar with A Mighty Girl, you can visit it online here.
It’s a wonderful hub of information about empowering literature, films, and even gifts that feature strong female heroines, meaningful female relationships, and yes, stuff that passes that ol’ Bechdel Test. They even have a new character collection of various female heroes that you can read about, buy action figures of, and celebrate, too! I really, really want a Serafina Pekkola figure from The Golden Compass…
Anyhow, the club isn’t just for girls. Boys need to celebrate female heroes and protagonists, too—just as girls have done with boy heroes for centuries, after all—not just for equality but to realize that heroes come in all genders and from all backgrounds. So as I prepare to host my Mighty Girls Club this semester, I have opened it up for boys as well.
I can’t wait to read books like The Red Wolf, Grace for President, and The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid of Anything with this group! We won’t be stopping there, though. We’ll also be making crafts or experiments that go along with the books (I’m still working on these; they are proving to be challenging!), playing games, and discussing not just the books but what makes us mighty, too.
I am thinking I’ll use themes for this, such as mighty heart, mighty mind, mighty body, etc. I am only having the club once a month to start so hopefully I’ll be able to come up with enough themes. I think at the end of the group, I may also hold a Mighty Movie Marathon if kids are interested and show movies like Brave and My Neighbor Totoro.
I also want to extend it into my local co-op, but I have taught some classes two or three times a month before and know it can get tiring, especially when you host at your home. So after I give it a go, I’ll be able to see how well it works out and decide whether or not I want to teach them again.
I am so excited about this class and cannot wait to be mighty and share our mightiness together!
Easy Valentine’s Day
Along with my Mighty Girls Class, I am planning on hosting a simple Valentine’s Day class for our co-op this semester. We have been in this co-op for one semester now, so we are obligated to hold at least one class ourselves. I don’t mind; I’ve been teaching since I was a kid—at camp, at college, in schools, wherever—and really enjoy it. I just have to step out of myself sometimes and “unlearn” my student teaching training to really flow and have fun with homeschoolers and unschoolers.
For this class, I plan on providing several Valentine card designs for the kids to choose from so they can create Valentines to give to everyone at our upcoming party. This will be super simple; if you can’t think of any ideas, Family Fun (now known as Spoonfull) is always a good place to get them. You can do more searches online to determine what you want to do as well. Making hearts with googly eyes and accordion hands is always a favorite for little ones!
I’ll also be providing punch and a treat, though I haven’t determined what yet, and if I have enough boxes we may make Valentine boxes to put our cards in as well. Many people assume that as homeschoolers we don’t get to do things like this very often, but on the contrary we have even more opportunities. We participate in a couple of card exchanges in our home, including a national homeschooling one that we do by mail. My daughter was pretty excited to receive her cards and treats from Alaska and other states last year!
I was thinking about renting Charlie Brown’s Valentine special, but that might take up too much time; instead, I may read a book to the kids, such as I Will Kiss You or Winnie the Pooh’s Valentine. I might teach a Valentine song, too.
I probably sound like a Valentine nut; I suppose I am. I don’t know why; I know how commercial the holiday has become and I’m a big anti-commercial mama. I just love the excuse to be romantic, I guess. I even make an annual countdown calendar for my little girl with various Valentine treats for her to enjoy. It’s really simple, too; just use a craft storage box or any container you have, create 14 separate compartments, and stick little paper hearts with activities on them—like “Play a game of hearts” or “Make punch”—to do with your child. I sneak a candy or tiny toy beneath every other heart or so.