Living in the moment
There are people everywhere telling us to live in the moment, from Eckhart Tolle to Buddhist monks—and I am inclined to agree with them. Why worry about yesterday when it’s over? Why worry about tomorrow when the only moment we are guaranteed is the one we are in right now? It makes plenty of sense, and I think if we could do it, we would all be so much happier.
All of that said, it’s also almost impossible for so many families in America—or maybe even anywhere, for all I know. Not only are we constantly having to pay for our pasts (whether via the law or via the people in our lives), which often prevent us from moving on; we also are constantly being told we must prepare for the future, whether it’s 401k plans, college savings accounts, or even burial plots! All of these things can calmly and reasonably dealt with to still allow mindfulness, I think, but we are expected to do so much these days that it still makes people crazy. Some people have high-demand jobs that require constant daily activity—from running businesses to running households. You might be planning meals or meetings or mergers; your mind is on the next day all the same.
The solution, of course, would be to stop juggling so much if you can if you want to be more mindful—but what if that’s not a good option? For me, it’s simply stopping when I feel overwhelm, or am multi-tasking too much, and slowly just listening to my own breathing. My daughter and I might stop and hold each other—she’ll say, “Mom, can we cuddle for a minute?”—or just take a few deep breaths. Sometimes that’s all we need to get us back in the moment. Scaling back—on anything from things to media consumption to daily activities—also helps, as do the tips found at the website Zen Habits.
What do you do to practice mindfulness? Is it a constant daily practice—or a constant daily struggle? Do you have any great resources or tips to share, especially to the Western world where everything seems to be demanded at the speed of light? In addition to simple self-love and self-acceptance (which would admittedly put much of the media out of business!), I think simply slowing down and savoring the moment could be one of the best things we can do to improve our way of life and the world itself.
Is there a non-religious AA out there?
A person I love very deeply has had an alcohol problem for about half my life. This person hit an all-time low in 2011, started therapy, and started to change—only to relapse. That’s okay; we just pick ourselves up again as this person did. This time, however, the therapist who helped the person—who had been trying to convert the patient to god all along—succeeded, and now, I don’t even know this person at all.
It would be okay if it were just that. I am happy for people who feel they have something bigger in the world to live for, something to stay alive for. I have something like that in my life, too—a few somethings, actually. But now this person is not only pushing such beliefs into the family, but also constantly bringing it up—and pushing me away in the process.
The person knows how strongly I feel about this. In fact, this person felt even more strongly than I did before, identifying as an atheist! It has gotten a bit better since the beginning, but this person waxes on about Jesus and being a Christian more than any Christians I’ve known my whole life—and I know dozens—and has already successfully converted another family member.
What I feel like doing, however, is going to that damn therapist and screaming in her face, “Thanks for the help, and thanks for brainwashing (insert name)!” I’m so ambivalent. I’m so glad this person is alive with us while feeling as if he/she has been taken away from me at the same time. Go figure—I’ve spent all that time trying to support (some say enabling, listening to those drunken phone calls for hours a day, every day, for two years) and regain lost ground when now, it feels as if the ground is no longer there at all. I miss this person just as much as I did when alcoholism was in control. Only now, it feels as if something else, perhaps less dangerous (depending on the setting and whether or not you’re after the Holy Grail or jihad, I guess) but even more potent, is steering the wheel.
I wish I knew what to do to reconcile the way I feel, to be able to be close again without having to touch this subject—and especially not to have my seven-year-old thrown in the middle.
Sharing the Joy
People on Facebook who complain all of the time drive me crazy—so crazy, in fact, that I’ve taken to either A. blocking them or B. unfriending them altogether. There’s only so many times I can hear about you whining about being bored or not getting into some concert without wanting to take a blowtorch to my eyes, mmkay?
But lately, as I become friends with many more hippie unschooling moms—whom I love, by the way—I am bombarded with nothing but happy messages. And it would be okay if it didn’t sound so damn smug. “I made homemade salt and a dozen hand-sewn diapers today and I am so blessed and I wouldn’t have it any other way!” is lovely until you hear it every. Single. Day. I’m not even on Facebook as much as I used to be—which I like; I have a few moments of fun, check in, update my author’s status and check out—and I still see these shiny happy statuses everywhere I look.
The thing is, I believe them. I know they are true, because in the moments when life is not shiny and happy—the moment when your three-year-old defiantly crunches pretzels all over the carpet while you are in a conference call training interns and just looks at you like, “What!”—you aren’t going to be posting on Facebook for sure, so why would you report it to the world? You get on when you have a few moments to spare in sweet silence, probably unwinding with that cup of hot tea you promised yourself six hours ago.
And sharing it might be good for others. The more we share our joy, the more it magnifies—and I’m all about making a better world with positivity rather than negativity (ie, “Make Peace” slogans without the “Not War” part). That said, I think there are so many people just bumbling through life in sadness and despair, and when they see your happiness, they just sigh or cry or feel like even more of a “loser,” which, of course, they aren’t. I have a few friends like this, too, and anytime I post anything positive I can almost hear the sigh from across the country—or even the border.
So what do you do—share the joy, take care, or meet somewhere in the middle? I say do whatever makes you happy and if someone gives you trouble, kindly ask them to mind their own business. Their opinion of you is, after all, none of your business to begin with.
Amazon.com: Free Voucher for $1 Book
Amazon.com is offering free vouchers for $1 Kindle books. 25 selections are available to choose from in several different genres. Each book will cost $1 when voucher is used. Customer responsible for final cost of book.
Shirin Diamond Center: $10 Pearl Bracelet
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iChameleon: Peel and Stick Chalkboard for $15
iChameleons is offering a large, six-foot peel-and-stick chalkboard for just $15 this week. Price includes shipping.
Sexualizing 13-year-olds
I guess seeing Honey Boo-Boo Child and the rest of the toddlers in tiaras should have prepared me for this. But no, not even the teeny-tiny shorts and obnoxious “I’m too pretty to do math!” t-shirts made me ever think that this birthday card could come to be.
If you can’t click the link, it’s a birthday card that clearly states, “You’re 13 Today!” So, no, it’s not intended for a 30-year-old woman. Even if it was, it would still be despicable—it’s crazy sexist and stupid, not to mention that it features ugly art—but as it is, it’s downright abominable.
Beneath that simple header, the card reads, “If you had a rich boyfriend, he’d give you diamonds and rubies. Well, maybe not, but maybe next year when you’ve bigger boobies!”
I wish it was just a joke, but it’s apparently a read birthday card for real 13-year-olds intending to—what, let them know they aren’t good enough for diamonds and rubies unless they have large breasts? Or that value is found in such items rather than anything else—or that a man will not love them unless they have said large breasts?
I cannot even begin to address how wrong this thing is. The phrase “you’ve” makes me think it might be a British card—I never heard my American friends saying “you’ve” unless it’s something like “You’ve got broccoli in your teeth” in the present, not the future, tense—and I’m all about dark British humor. I really am. I love it. But this isn’t humorous.
If it were between grown women, I guess I could get it—like I said, it would still insinuate all of the sexist and materialistic sentiments above—but it’s for a teen girl who is just beginning to develop, who is so self-conscious already she thinks everyone in the world is looking at her, who is so impressionable that hearing something like this could leave an imprint on her for life.
Think I’m going overboard? Ask Lindsay Lohan what her life might be like if someone hadn’t told her she’d be great with “bigger boobies!”
There is a chance it’s a joke card—I don’t know how, since the age is clearly stated—but even if it is, some idiot is going to think it’s funny and buy it for an impressionable young girl.
Anyone who buys this card should be punched in the face. So should the person who designed it. Of course, as a pacifist, I’d gladly settle for burning all of these stupid things and ensuring they never be handed out to anyone, ever.
The craft of bookbinding
The amazing flying pseudoscorpion
‘Star Wars VII’ Get a Director
If you haven’t heard the news by now, you’re seriously living under a rock at the bottom of an ocean. The almighty, Disney-controlled, Star Wars Episode VII finally has its director and the winner is… J.J. Abrams. Yup, the same guy who had the task of rebooting the Star Trek universe is now going to get the chance to tackle the return to Star Wars. Needless to say, this has caused mixed reactions among the geek crowds.
Some are all good with it while others are screaming that Abrams isn’t the right choice. Well, it’s bloody Star Wars and there’s never going to be an agreement on who should take over, so we can leave most of the yelling and screaming where it belongs, in the Internet archives. But the question does need to be raised of whether Abrams is capable of doing this, whether you like his work or not. In my opinion, he may not be the best man, but he’s certainly in the top 10 percent. Why, you ask? Well, several reasons.
First of all, he’s already shown he can tackle one major franchise with success. He took an old and tired Star Trek and gave it new life, presenting the powers that own it with new opportunities to create and expand. No longer do they need to adhere to decades of canon, always worried that one small detail will enrage the fanboys that thrive on consistency and perfection. The Star Trek property is open to new creative input. As a Star Trek fan, I am grateful for this. He will likely be able to do the same for Star Wars, albeit by setting up a new future for the franchise, not eliminating the old one.
Second, he’s shown with his movie Super 8 that he knows how to appeal to kids in a non-traditional manner. Thus, we are free of the dangers of a repeat of the Jar Jar Binks situation that caused us such pain in Episode I. He’ll be able to give the franchise the needed kid-appeal without resorting to base clichés and mindless slapstick.
And third, he’s worked in television long enough to know what a long-lived series like Star Wars will need in Episode VII so that all future episodes and spin-offs will not be confined by his writing. In fact, I’d venture he opens the world up so that new possibilities arise. Ultimately, that relies on the writer as well, but Abrams will have enough creative control with enough experience backing him to really set the series on solid legs for at least a decade.
The biggest danger I see is that Star Wars and Star Trek may, stylistically speaking, end up looking way too similar. This may confuse new viewers, hurt marketing and limit the appeal of each franchise as it stands on its own. It will be, in my opinion, Abrams greatest challenge, to make sure this doesn’t happen. Let’s hope he can pull it off.
So whether you enjoy his endless lens flares or otherwise, Abrams certainly has the skills to get the job done. I, for one, have renewed faith in Episode VII and am looking forward to seeing what Abrams brings us in 2015.